Episode 382

Her Background:

After years of struggling with aversion, Zainab created the resource site www.breastfeedingaversion.com and has been a breastfeeding peer supporter for the NHS for a number of years. She actively supports mothers and families who struggle with aversion and campaigns to raise awareness of the phenomenon. In her professional capacity, she is a Biomedical Ethicist, Vice Chair of a Research Ethics Committee Panel for the Health Research Authority, and a Member of King’s College London Ethics and Policy Governance Board.

Definitions:

Breastfeeding Aversion: This is when breastfeeding is triggering negative emotions on a wide spectrum being anywhere from milder thoughts like wanting to pinch yourself, agitation, pushing your baby off of you and being irritated all the way through having emotions such as anger and range and a panic kind of feeling and wanting to just run away.

D-Mer – Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex: A condition in which you feel particularly negative emotions that happen with your ( MER)milk release. You experience this for about 3- 10 seconds and then it goes away. Typically you will feel waves of negative emotions described as dysphoria, despair, a bottomless pit in your tummy, emptiness.

The 2 big differences between BA and DMER is that the emotions are very short-lived and different with DMER. With BA, the emotions last as long through the let down and continue the whole time your baby is latched on & the other difference is very distinct emotions felt with each condition.

Her story:Breastfeeding was just a given. It was just something all the females in her family and culture did. With her Muslim background, she grew up in a culture where the assumption is that you were going to breastfeed (how else would you feed your baby?) She actually had more concerns about the birth, so this was her focus. She really did not give much thought to breastfeeding. None, except for the fact that she knew she was going to do it.

Not having any concerns about breastfeeding, she didn’t read up on breastfeeding or attend any classes or read any books. Now when it was time for her to breastfeed and her breasts filled with milk, she looked down one day and had these large melons for breasts and it was difficult in the beginning. She thought to herself: “this is surreal.” She expected things to get easier and it took a while until it got a bit easier. She had a lot of milk, but her baby had tongue tie ( which was undiagnosed) and she definitely struggled in the early days. Her son never took a bottle or a pacifier. About 4 months into it, she got her monthly cycle back and he was not sleeping as well. This is about the time that her breastfeeding aversion kicked in. She started to get very angry and upset. Feel waves of anger when he is latching and she had no idea what was happening. She ignored it and didn’t tell anyone. She realizes now that there were several reasons why she did not tell anyone. In addition to feeling ashamed and afraid that people would think this was absurd or that she was a monster, she also recognizes the fact that she did not understand what she was feeling and had no words to describe it.

This is what actually led to her researching the subject. She searched the internet trying to find answers herself. Not being able to do so, she set about finding out for herself. As she carried on with her research and has written and presented on the subject, it is now easier for her to say how she felt about breastfeeding. She is not afraid to tell others about her experience and the words come easier to her when explaining it to others. Hindsight is wonderful 20-20.

About 13 months in, she realized that she just could not keep it in anymore and told her husband how she was feeling. As she got bolder, she did better with “confessing” her truth. She is even comfortable now saying that while breastfeeding was so important to her and she continued doing it, but admits to hating it.

What she has learned for herself and from other women:

She has wondered why women who had BA, still wanted to continue breastfeeding. One would think it would be a trigger to wean Those feelings so strong that your response is to want to push your baby away that you hated breastfeeding and wanted to stop. Why didn’t this cause moms to want to wean. Zainab use to feel it was her Muslim upbringing, however, through her research she has learned that 80% of the women who got BA said they were still breastfeeding. Knowing that she felt the same way, she wondered why this was. She continued breastfeeding long after she got BA. Why didn’t she and others like her wean?

Women still have the bond with their babies, even though they had breastfeeding aversion. She is studying oxytocin and the relationship with breastfeeding aversion and breastfeeding.

They are inter-linked in the sense that if your have D-MER you are more likely to get BA because you will have a negative association with breastfeeding because of the difficulties with the negative emotions. This means that you will struggle more of the struggles with breastfeeding puts you at risk factor for getting BA. So, you can see many mothers who may experience both and how they can tell is what kind of feelings they get, and when, in the breastfeeding journey. They are pretty distinct and once you know what they are, you will be able to tell the difference.

Very interesting thoughts:

Some women will have DMER, but they experience aversion when they get their menses or when they are ovulating. which is when some women get BA even if they didn’t have DMER.

Her research is showing 4 Risk categories for BA – 4 Main categories

1st – breastfeeding through pregnancy – extremely sore nipples, changes in body and with milk drying up.
2nd – tandem feeding or feeding multiples – which includes: newborn and toddler, or twins and triplets
3rd – trauma or abuse as a child or early adult – absent parent, parent who is substance abuser, physical abuse, neglect, survivor of sexual abuse
4th – mothers struggling through persistence pain – i.e. tongue-tie, Raynaud’s of the nippleWhat can help to prevent or reduce symptoms of BA:

Tell someone about it. Secrecy makes nothing better. Find someone that you trust and tell them how you feel.
Track your menstrual cycle. You can see when you are having your period and when you are ovulating and many women can link their aversion to this. It can last anywhere between 1-3 days when ovulating and 5 days premenstrual tension and 5 days postmenstrual tension. Some women have their whole month plagued by their menses. Knowing that it is linked to this can help you manage your emotions, understand yourself and what is happening. Spike into testosterone when ovulating and it is typically a hormone that is known for aggression and it is high in males. This can be alarming for you, but understanding your own triggers can be helpful.
Taking supplements – this is an area that we are still learning about.
Self care – Making sure that you are hydrated particularly at night – seems to help.
Distracting yourself by visual, audio or physical sensations.

LINKS:

Twitter: @bf_aversion
Facebook: Breastfeeding (Nursing) Aversion and Agitation Awareness: https://www.facebook.com/breastfeedingaversion/
Instagram: Breastfeeding Aversion: https://www.instagram.com/breastfeedingaversion/