Her Bio:

Her Background:

I first learned about you and your family from an article in the Huff Post , January 15th, 2020.

I know that co-breastfeeding between lesbian couples this is fairly common to me, however, I imagine many inur l oarger and global community, have not had the pleasure of meeting families such as yours. I know that you are motivated to share your story to let others know about induced lactation.  That it is possible and other non-gestational partners can have the same bonding experience that you enjoy. 

Jennifer and Andrea:  Since we are going to bounce back and forth between the two of you, it would be helpful if you would state who it is that’s talking. 

Please share with us how you came to decide that you would like to breastfeed your baby. 

Jennifer: 

 I didn’t really think about breastfeeding as a non-gestational mom.  Andrea was pregnant and it just seemed like a natural role for her to play as the gestational mom. When I thought about myself,  if I ever carried, it would be a natural role for me to play. As time went on, and I am reading all these books, they weren’t really helpful for me. All the chapters were about partners, the Dads what the Dad can do to be helpful.  I was

Identifying more about the fact that I am a mom and I can’t relate to this. I felt like I was missing out and I wanted the same benefits of bonding.

I contemplated exploring inducing lactation but it seemed kind of out there. We live in a small rural community and there are not a bunch of gay/lesbian couples.  We didn’t know anyone and I was hesitant to bring the subject up with anyone.  People want to know:  Which one of you is the real mom?

Then I started doing my own research. I talked to a friend who was a surrogate. She had a friend who suggested that I talk to my family physician about induced lactation.  She was really supportive and very helpful and for this they are both grateful. 

Andrea:  

I was fairly consumed with the pregnancy and thinking about caring for the baby after the birth.  I was thinking about breastfeeding, but more focused on the birth and postpartum.  I’m a nurse so I was aware of the benefits of breastfeeding and just assumed I would figure it out. 

When Jen said that she wanted to breastfeed, I was not supportive.  At that time, I was needing support for myself.  I felt that breastfeeding was something I needed support for and needed to master it before I could think about her breastfeeding the baby. At the time,  I was concerned that the support and care I needed would be divided between us and I would not get enough for myself.

I also didn’t quite understand her need to breastfeed. I understood that breastfeeding was something you do to nourish your baby, but at the time, I didn’t have a good understanding of the connection that breastfeeding brings to you and your baby.  This was a missing piece that I did not really get until after he was born.  I thought that – you are a parent and that is all that mattered.  Jen seemed to understand that there was more to it than that. 

Andrea made me laugh when she said:  I forget that we’re gay, so I didn’t make those comparisons and didn’t think of it in those terms.   I just thought there is so much that a partner can do to care for the baby and  support the gestational mom.  I just thought, Jennifer-  you’re gonna have your hands full, so don’t worry about breastfeeding and bonding.   Now, of course, she can see that there is so much more to breastfeeding than just providing nourishment.  You’re reading your babies cues, your getting to know how to care for them in a way that you can’t really put words to it and a lot of this comes through the time you spent breastfeeding them. 

What is your experience as far as the next step in what you began to do to induce lactation?

Jennifer:

I started on a specific protocol. My Dr. prescribed Domperidone and within 2 weeks I already started lactating.I started this about 2 1/2 months before Andrea’s due date.I then went on the birth control pill and took a placebo,About 2 weeks before due date, I stopped the birth control pill and added herbs.  I  started pumping about 3 weeks or so before the due date.  I focused on pumping 8 – 10 times a day.

Did you experience “dry pumping.”?  What was it like sitting there many times a day with no milk coming out?  

I schlepped my pump with me.  It was time consuming, it required juggling my schedule.  It certainly was a lot of work but I was committed.  It is okay if you can’t pump as many times as you like or for a specific time of minutes each time.   I learned that it was more beneficial to pump frequently for a short period of time, rather than spread it out to less pumping and for a longer time.

Discuss why:  Every little drop counts – 

Near the end, (closer to the due date) I was getting 2 oz a day before the baby was born.Initially, it was all about getting the milk and building supply.  The small amounts I just dumped down the drain. I just didn’t know that I could have/should have saved this “liquid gold.”

Pumping at work – 

Some people were supportive, others thought she was crazy.  It required patience on her part with her work flow.  No one really challenged her about doing this.  Some who had negative experiences with breastfeeding, those with horror stories may have questioned her sanity, but others who breastfed really understood. 

Andrea – 

We could see that Jennifer started to pump drops and than more drops which begin to add up.  Your still pregnant and you are waiting to begin making milk that you can see, what was it like. So, it was neat to see this.   Jen has always worried that it would not be enough or that it would not work.  I would say:  Look!  It’s working! I felt like the volume increase was great and I thought it was important to be encouraging to Jennifer.  Jennifer tried to encourage her to begin pumping herself and Andrea was like:  absolutely not!  She said:  it was all I could do to deal with my pregnancy. 

By the time Lua was born, Jennifer was making about 2 oz a day. 

Jennifer 

I did not reach the point where my breast fullness told me that I need to pump.  Now, I do get that sensation when I have not breastfed in a while. 

Andrea: 

 He ended up being born by c/sec, which delayed my milk coming in. I was recovering from my c/sec,  I was holding him skin to skin and feeling nauseous and was not able to hold him the whole time. Then Jen held him doing skin to skin and guess what he did?  Latched onto Jen.  It was so beautiful.  So unexpected.  I had been nauseous and was not able to hold him the whole time as I need to look after myself for a little bit. 

 In the days following, I had a delay in my supply coming in. He was very hungry, and he was a very lean baby. It soon dawned on Andrea and Jennifer, that they had all this milk at home and why weren’t we using it??

The first 6 weeks of his life – we used the pumped milk quite a bit.  He needed more than we both were making and so this milk came in handy. Andrea felt like she needed to master the breastfeeding first.  It was like she felt Jen needed to wait her turn.  But, the best laid plans.  Who knew she was going to be the first one to breastfeed their baby???

The first few weeks Andrea’s nipples were so sore that she was quite happy for Jen to breastfeed him.  Once her milk came in she was a “fountain.”  As the weeks and months have passed, the way they breastfeed has evolved.  Often times now, if they are both together with him, Jen would feed him first his “skim milk” and when done Andrea would feed him to “top him off.”    Now she does not even pump anymore.  She just feeds him and there are times when she can feed him enough to sleep and for comfort feeding.  It is quite rewarding and really makes Jen feel like a mom.

She is still taking the Domperidone, but not pumping anymore.  She is also taking some other herbs such as Fenugreek and Moringa for instance.  This is what she has decided to take and what works well for her.  Each mom should come to an individualized care plan for herself.  She eats oatmeal and eats lactation cookies and is fine with eating and taking all of this.

It does not have to be an all or nothing!

We have no clue how much milk he is getting from each of us.  

He is healthy and definitely gaining and growing and getting enough milk.

He is getting antibodies from both his moms.  In addition to the nourishment,

The whole bond and time you have with your baby at breast.

“I am in a high stress job.  Breastfeeding is a time I look forward to.It grounds me.  It calms me down.He’s being soothed at the breast, but it is also really soothing for me. “

Andrea – It does not have to be the only way you have feed him for it to be a wonderful thing.  It can be very practical and very convenient. 

If a mom has 30% of the milk her baby needs.  If  her baby gets hungry on the walk, she can feed him while out on the walk and not have to carry a bottle with her. 

I can sleep him in the mornings and Jen can take him for a few more hours and she can feed him during that time.  It is like “buying time.” that you don’t have to get a bottle.  Any amount of breastmilk is beneficial to your baby.  If you get a cold, you are building antibodies and then passing them on to your baby. Now we are in a pandemic, so all the more reason to breastfeed.  It doesn’t matter how much, any amount is great.

Bonding with your baby – 

All families love their babies.  They are all going to bond with their babies.  Breastfeeding is not necessarily better or worse, it is just different.  Things like your baby taking their fingers and wrapping it around your fingers, taking their fingers and putting it up my hose and poking at my eyes.  You are building a relationship with your baby.  

Pearls of Wisdom:  Don’t let fear get in the way of you doing what you want to do. 

Andrea:  In her case of Induced Lactation – It’s important to not let anyone take away from you, what you want to do.  For instance, Jen was terrified to ask her Dr. about induced lactation, but she wanted it badly enough, she did not let fear get in her way.  Her friend did not let her Drs. lack of support get in the way, she found someone who would support her. In the end, breastfeeding was hard for her friend and in the end, she decided to let it go.  That was her choice though, she just followed her gut and did not let that get in the way of how she felt.  In the end, it’s just about you caring for your baby.

Women feel traumatized in their birth and breastfeeding experiences, when they have not had a choice in what happens to them.  It is important for them to be in the drivers seat!

There additional motivation for doing this interview.

Help make it okay for others.  I had to do so much research and found it hard to find information and support. I wanted to find someone to reach out to and didn’t have that.  It would have been helpful for me, if in the early days, if I worked together with Andrea and we explored our options sooner. It would have been nice to know where we could find crucial information without having to work so hard at finding it.   I hope that this spreads the word for providers to learn about co-breastfeeding with lesbian couples

Contact Info:

diverjen@yahoo.com