Today’s show was going to be purely about my weaning story.

A short time ago, I had the honor of interviewing Winema Wilson Lanoue who wrote: A Loving Weaning – How to Move Forward together.

It was such a pleasure to listen to her share valuable information to my listeners as well as have her answer questions from my listeners. Listening to her speak brought back a flood of memories of my own weaning experiences. I had to hang tight as I tried my best not to interrupt her because so many things she said, reminded me of my own weaning days. There are all these little tidbits that I had not thought about in years.

Apparently, I have had weaning on the brain, even though I am far beyond my baby weaning years. Most recently, I updated the Weaning Module in my online breastfeeding class. Doing some more research on weaning and talking to a few moms recently who shared their weaning stories, motivated me to record another podcast on the subject of parent led and baby led weaning. That was last weeks episode #406 and if you missed it, I encourage you to check out that episode at your convenience.

All of this talk about weaning, had me looking at a show I had previously recorded about my personal weaning stories with my 3 kids. I am going to share this with you today. My regular listeners will recognize some of what I share and there will also be new information and stories today that I think you will enjoy. I have added updates as well as additional thoughts and answers to some questions that my listeners have posed to me.

I’m going to start by giving you just a bit of background first as this might help you understand some of the things I will be sharing with you today. I often feel that I am really showing my age when I share this kind of stuff with you. So, why not just tell you how old I am. Now I know some people will freak out on me and say – what are you doing? Why are you letting people know how old you are – I take it all in my stride.

I have a different opinion than others might have who don’t really like to tell other people their age. I am proud to say that I am 62 and a half as I am grateful for all that I have in my life. I sure do appreciate the fact that I have had the pleasure of being able to enjoy 62 years of walking this earth. I am incredibly grateful for the just about 40 years of marriage that Alan and I have had with each other. In this crazy world we live in, I feel pretty darn lucky to wake up to the same man every morning and actually enjoy being with him. I am equally as happy and blissful for the 35 years of motherhood that I have been blessed with.

As a side note, professionally, I have accrued over 30 years helping moms with breastfeeding. I have enjoyed helping moms get started with breastfeeding, helping them solve breastfeeding challenges and yes, this might sound odd to some of you, but yes – I have also definitely enjoyed helping moms going through the weaning process. Some have needed practical help, solid researched information and others have just needed an emotional shoulder to lean on as they expressed a roller coaster of emotions as they go through the weaning process. Just like the many emotions we have at the beginning of our breastfeeding journey, it is common to experience a whole new set of emotions when going through the weaning process. I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to be that one person, sometimes the only one person for some moms, who understands what they are going through.

All my years of experience and the thousands of families that I have worked with in educating and helping with breastfeeding, well I bring all of this experience to every mom I meet with. I have had the pleasure of speaking about different topics on breastfeeding as a presenter at global lactation conferences and my presentations on many different breastfeeding related subjects have been seen and heard by thousands. That’s what 62 1/2 years of living and over 30 years in the breastfeeding biz will get you!

Now that you know how old I am, it would not surprise you to learn that my 3 beautiful children are 35, 33 and 30 years old. Girl, boy, Girl. Alisha Jesse and Carly. This may seem weird to you but there was no internet and the only book on breastfeeding was La Leche Leagues, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. You may have heard me say this before but I come from a long line of women who formula fed their babies. My grandmother formula fed her 2 kids, my mother formula fed her 5 kids, my aunt formula fed her 2 kids as did all of the others in my family and so did all the neighbors who I babysat for. And my sister formula fed her 2 kids and my sister-in-law formula fed her 2 boys. Needless to say, I definitely had no role models. When I say I had little info about breastfeeding and in this case weaning, I really mean it – I had very little info on weaning! One could say that I was winging the weaning.

Let’s start with my beautiful first born, Alisha Heather. You may have heard some of my other podcasts where I talked about the difficult start I had with Alisha. There were days that it hurt so bad, I cried at every feeding. When others have asked me why I didn’t stop, I give perhaps not the wisest of answers, but the truth – I was just too stubborn to stop and I know that I continued causing great emotional upheaval for myself, along with the physical pain.

I did manage to come through the other side and there did come a point where breastfeeding Alisha became easy, convenient and we fit together like 2 peas in a pod and breastfeeding is not something that I did, it just became a part of my everyday mothering life. Like calming her when she cried, rocking her to sleep, changing doody diapers, dressing and undressing, bathing her and taking her in an out of the car seat, pushing her on the swings, taking her to visit family, reading to her, singing to her, playing with her. Breastfeeding was just something else that I did. Something else that happened in between all of these activities. Breastfeeding was just part of the rhythm of every day life, with Alisha and my other 2 babies.

I didn’t know it at the time, however, my breastfeeding Alisha had many positives. It turns out that when Alisha was about a year old, my family and I were put in the middle of a disaster. It was called Hurricane Gloria. The difficulty of getting fresh food, the hardship of having no electricity of days on end, sent many mothers in a tizzy with fears and concerns about feeding their babies who relied on fresh water, refrigeration, sterilizing bottles and formula. While daily life was not pleasant, I was grateful that I was breastfeeding Alisha and had no worries at all about my baby being well fed. As long as she kept breastfeeding, I kept making plenty of milk for her.

Little did I know back then, but now I know that the weaning process with Alisha started shortly after her first birthday and I have to blame it on Tina Turner, yup, it was all Tina Turners fault. ohhhh I blame it on The Beach Boys too!

I can hear you saying,, what the hey??? How can I possibly blame Tina Turner and the Beach Boys for all of this??? Well, it all started with my anniversary, which happens to be in June.
Alisha also turned a year in June. Her birthday is one day before my anniversary.

It was a Tuesday. Ronald Reagan was president, Khloe Kardashian was born that day.Just sharing some points of reference,,, in case you cared.

So, Alisha was born on Tuesday and Alan and I celebrated our 4th Anniversary the very next day. The following year, when Alisha turned 1, we were going to be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary the next day. Well, I guess Alan wanted to make our 5th anniversary, super special so he did something super special. Alan bought us tickets to 2 shows.. yup you guessed it!Tina Turner and the Beach Boys.

For anyone who grew up on Long Island, you know that THE place to go to concerts in the summertime was at the Jones Beach Theatre. It was right on the water and it made for a beautiful concert setting – with seats outdoors, and right on the bay. I was used to going to concerts there BK, before kids. It was a no brainer then. Get off work and head out to the beach. But AK, after kids, it proved to be quite the ordeal, as one might imagine.

So, here I was, a year into mothering, many triumphs with everything that goes along with becoming a mom, muddling my way through the postpartum period, going from being isolated and no mommy friends to meeting quite a few and finding my tribe. It was a year of many ups and downs with early breastfeeding, round the clock nursing, lack of sleep. Date night? forget it! There were like zilch dates on the town with the husband, who worked long hours to provide for his family while I was a SAHM.

Sure, We dreamed about having a few good fun nights out,, just like old times. I definitely whined about it frequently enough, I guess Alan really heard me. So, he bought tickets to 2 concerts. After a quick jump up and down, my first thoughts were: sooooo what am I suppose to do with Alisha? For the first 6 months of her life, I lived an hour away from our families. The second 6 months we moved and lived in the same town. So, while we were close to family, no one baby sat because I wasn’t ready and she still nursed to sleep.

Have you ever been given an absolutely wonderful gift from someone you love & then realized that for one reason or another, it did not hold the same excitement as it had at another time in your life? Well, this is it for me! Going to listen to some great music at the beach in the summer, was one of my favorite things to do… I am sure Alan watched my initial excitement fade as I got a knot in my stomach as I said: what about Alisha??

My beautiful baby loved to nurse herself to sleep and I was actually totally fine with this. Except now that I wanted to get to the Jones Beach Theatre by 7:00, and Alisha Heather was first having her last feeding of the day closer to 8-9:00 pm.

Now Alisha did also breastfeed during the night, however, I was not concerned because I would be back for this. Alan and I were going to go out and enjoy the evening, but there was no way we were going to stay out way past midnight like we did BK.

She never took a bottle… Well, minus the 2 trials – once in the hospital and once when she was 3 months old and I went to a wedding. She was offered the bottle, but never took it. This bothered other people, but it did not bother me. I was happy to be exclusively breastfeeding her. We had started sippy cups and she did drink water from it.

Since I was always there at nighttime, throughout the night and the next morning, I had never really thought twice about how she would feed if I were not there.

Sounds crazy now that I talk about – but I did not pump. I had one scary pumping experience. Well, not exactly with the pumping itself, although that was painful. I owned a hand held Medela piston like pump that had these rubber gaskets. The volume I pumped was like a few drops and when done, I followed the instructions and boiled all the parts. I did everything right up to the point of picking up Alisha, changing a diaper blow out, getting her dressed and playing a bit with her as she lay on the changing table. Well, you guessed it, I forgot about the pot and almost caused a fire in my one bedroom apartment. The reality is, that I never did need to pump, so I just threw the whole stupid pump away, along with the pot that I had damaged.

Also sounds crazy that these words are even coming out of my mouth, but I did not know anything about hand expression. Sure I squeezed my breast once in a while and milk came out, but I never entertained the thought of rhythmically removing the milk for a long enough period of time to collect enough milk to put in a sippy cup. Just never thought of this as a way o f removing the milk to replace a feeding.

It’s really a crazy thing, but as I talk about this subject with you now, I have to try hard not to judge myself for not realizing the obvious, but I just didn’t. You can bet though that any chance I get, I teach Hand Expression to the moms I work with. Everyone should know that while pumps can be great, hand expression can be even greater for removing the milk. No equipment necessary. Just your right… or left hand!

I wasn’t concerned with any lack of fluids or nutrition if she missed that night time breastfeeding, I just did not know if she would go to sleep because me being there for all her feedings, have been a constant since she was born.

Silly as it sounds: My thought process was: I need to wean her from that last night nursing so I could leave in time to get to concert in time. If I could not wean her, to me that meant I could not go.

And here is the absolute craziness of it all.

So, I started the weaning process. I use those words now, but back then, the words I used were… gotta get her to not nurse to sleep. I did not realize that this was the beginning of the weaning process. I had no one to tell me that once I started eliminating a feeding, that this was the beginning of the weaning process.

Here is how it played out for us –

I did not even try and wean her before that very first concert. My husband was rarely home at that time and I just couldn’t see me saying no to her while she tried to hop on board for a nursing. I just had my mother come over and babysit and she just played with her. There was no purposeful, now it is bedtime and expect her to just lay down to sleep, they just played until Alisha eventually fell asleep.

The next night, it was business as usual and she nursed herself to sleep. We kept going like this until the next concert which was a month or so later and we did the same thing. She did not seem to mind it at all when I was away and she was distracted playing until she was so exhausted she fell asleep.

The concerts were fabulous. In addition to having a great time, I also got a taste of the night life. Meaning,,, I realized that I could go out in the early evening and stay out late. I liked this freedom! She was a year old, after all.

So here we were, with her being about 12-14 months old and while she was easily distracted if someone else was with her, Alisha was still having that last nursing before going to sleep for the night

Since she seemed to be okay as long as she was distracted, I decided to try and wean her from that early evening feeding a few months later. I was hoping to give myself a break so that I could go out a few evenings here and there as I had become more involved in Mothers Center, a group for moms who met on a regular basis to talk about issues related to mothering. I was volunteering on a few committees and they met at night to get some real work done as it was too hard when our kids were under foot. Since I was not returning to paid work, I loved becoming involved in committees such as fundraising and newsletter. This was a place where I was getting to use my mind in constructive ways besides playing with kids all day. It was a wonderful creative outlet for me. I loved my volunteer work and I loved making new friends.

So, while I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but about 16 months or so, Alisha was not needing that last feed to fall asleep and she was now finally sleeping through the night – something I never, ever, ever thought would happen. It is funny how things in life go. Before I had Alisha, I could never have imagined exactly what it would be like to have a baby attached to the boob, seemingly all day and night. And then, several months into new motherhood and EBF, I could not imagine life without a baby at my breast.

I also do not remember exactly when she was fully weaned as over the next several months, she gradually lost interest in the daytime nursings and for a while was down to just waking up and nursing and soon that was gone too. While I do know that she was no longer breastfeeding at about 18 months, I have to say, I honestly do not remember all the details surrounding it and I also don’t remember exactly when her last nursing time was. I do have a bit of sadness about not having committed her last nursing to memory, but it was one of those things that went like – well yesterday she did nurse in the am and then 2-3 days went by when she didn’t nurse and she just started right out with breakfast, etc. and then maybe a few days later did again and it went like this for several weeks and at some point one day just rolled into the next and at some point I realize she had not nursed in a week or so and we were done.

At the time, I don’t even remember being sad about being done – I’m sad now when I think of it. I don’t even remember marking what the date was. I’m sad now that I don’t have that date marked down in her baby book. Weaning… well, It just happened. Thank goodness that with all those months and thousands of nursings, Alisha was a cuddler and still loved sitting on my lap, reading and playing. I did not realize it then, but it did occur to me while listening to Winema that we still kept our closeness, in the way that she easily accepts big hugs and kisses from me, which is one of the gifts we both had from our breastfeeding days.

Now, the story with my other two is different, but I will say that with all the knowledge I have now, there was still much that I did not know then. As hard as breastfeeding was with Alisha, it was so incredibly easy with my beautiful baby boy Jesse Wade. I was in no pain with Jesse. I was in excruciating pain with Alisha. Jesse fell asleep while nursing and stayed asleep for a good couple of hours. Alisha may have fallen asleep at the breast, but honestly most of the times when I tried to put her down, she woke up. I would make sure she was asleep in my arms and then lean over her crib to lay her down and before I was standing straight up, she was awake again and clearly not happy being away from me.

While Alisha was right on the curve of normal weight gainers, Jesse plumped out quickly, had a lovely double chin and had those delicious rolls you just wanna squeeze! He would be happy about 90% of the time, did not need to nurse to sleep and woke up usually in a relaxed manner whereas Alisha woke up and in zero to 10 seconds she was screaming to eat. Jesse was just easy schmeazy and I had no breastfeeding timeline thoughts at all. At this point, I did know that I would have liked for him to breastfeed longer than Alisha did.

One of the things I greatly missed out on was one of the easiest ways I had in my mothering toolbox to calm a crying toddler down. Breastfeeding always worked with Alisha and once she weaned I had to work harder to calm her down, to stop a tantrum, to put her to sleep. So, I figured life would be easier if I could nurse Jesse well into toddlerhood. Plus, at this time, I had become involved with alternative mothering groups. I was around many toddlers who nursed well into their second and third year. My observations were that these kids were pretty darn healthy and I realized that if it was at all in my power to do so, I wanted to continue to give them mega doses of human milk that was chock full or antibodies and immune factors. Back then, I did not know that my milk was as amazing as I now know it is. I did not know it had cancer killing cells in my milk. I did not realize that if I got sick when breastfeeding, that I would pass on antibodies that my body was producing to help fight off the illness. I had absolutely, positively no idea, whatsoever the benefits to me – like lowering my risk factor for certain cancers. I just knew that my baby was thriving and wanted to continue.

I also was able to observe many families who had nursed their babies well into toddlerhood and now that some of these kids were of Kindergarten and older school aged kids, I could see that these were some of the most independent kids I had been around. They were all sleeping on their own, after having co-slept with their parents for many years. All of the arguments that my family and friends had about nursing beyond a year and co-sleeping were definitely not an issue with these families. These kiddos, who had been breastfed for quite a long time, were quite happy when separated from their parents. So, I was grateful to witness this in real life and was very happy to have gained the confidence to follow my intuition.

So, with Jesse, he just carried on nursing well into his second year. At this time, he was sleeping through the night and nursings could be anywhere between 5 and 6 times a day or 2 or 3 times a day. It just depended on him. I do remember that there was one specific time of the day that he never missed and that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Back in those days, Oprah was on at 4:00 in the afternoon. I so much looked forward to this time of day. I loved Oprah and by that time of day, I was pretty spent and looked forward to the break. Jesse would have a nice long leisurely nursing. Once he started to nurse, he would usually fall asleep and I didn’t have to worry about tending to him during Oprah. I would set up a snack for Alisha and she would sit on the arm of our favorite lazy boy chair. She would sit with a bowl of fruit or cereal and watch a bit of Oprah with me and soon climb down and play on the floor with her barbie dolls or color. With Jesse happily sleeping in my lap and with Alisha happily playing on the floor by herself, This turned out to be “my time” as my kids were the least needy of me now as they were compared to the whole rest of the day. It was the calm before the storm – dinner, bath, storytime and bedtime.

So you can imagine how I felt one day when Jesse was about 2 1/2 years old and all of a sudden seemed to lose interest in breastfeeding overnight! I remember that I got Alisha’s snack ready, turned on the TV, settled into the lazy boy chair and prepared to watch Oprah. Jesse climbed on my lap and started nursing… and a few seconds later he popped off and made a funny face,,, like when you taste something like sour pickles or a sour candy… and then when I encouraged him to come back to the breast, he just started laughing. Now at this time in his life, I was use to him being a distracted nurser so I did not think much of it. Usually though, he would go on for a few minutes, then pop off, laughing, engaging in play with his sister, pop back on, nurse for a few minutes and keep on this until he was just done and climbed off my lap.

But this particular day, he laughed and climbed right down. In a few minutes, he was making too much noise with his sister, so I was like – Jesse, come on up, let’s nurse. You know, watching Oprah and having some chill time was something I desperately needed. So, Jesse came back on my lap, and as he had done before, and he lasted a few seconds and then popped right off. This happened several more times and I just gave up. Later on in the evening, I offered again and he literally stood there shaking his head from side to side… no- no-no he said. I thought it was odd, but being busy with the bedtime routine, I just carried on.

Now it is the next day and he did not want to nurse in the am and at some point in the afternoon, I sat down and expected him to come up and nurse and he didn’t. 4:00 rolles aroundNow it is time for Oprah and he sat on my lap, latched on, lasted maybe a minute and then pushed off and climbed down. At this point, I started to become a bit pushy… come on Jess, don’t you want to nurse?? No, no, no. I asked again and again and he kept rejecting me. Well, others might not think this was a rejection, but that is how I took it. Now, I was a bit of a crazy person when he refused to nurse at night. The next day, no amount of my urging could get my beautiful baby boy to breastfeed….. anymore. Clearly he was done.

But me… I was so baffled. I just did not understand what was going on.

It feels so crazy and quite embarrassing to me, to admit this, but I never knew exactly what happened, that is until years later when I was studying to become an IBCLC.

I initially use to kid around and say – it is like there is no more milk. I also use to say that along with him shaking his head in quick succession from side to side , his way of telling me no, he also made a face when he latched off… as if my milk tastes yucky or something. This is exactly what I said to my husband – it is like the flavor changed overnight and he does not like this new flavor.

If it were the Lori Isenstadt I know now – I would have tasted my milk just out of curiosity…. but I honestly, it sounds crazy now, but I never thought to taste it. NOW, I am darned curious and could kick myself for being so unaware.

Getting back to the class I was taking…. and the light bulb moment I had about my experience with Jesse!

I was with about 25 other breastfeeding educators who were studying to become an IBCLC. There were many light bulb moments in that class for many of us students who were rather clueless as young breastfeeding mothers. Now, we had the expertise and the knowledge from our educators to help explain the rationale behind some of the common challenges we had and never knew why. Actually, for many of us, we just thought this was normal and had little to no reason to try and “fix” some things because that is just the way it was. There was also more evidence based research that helped to explain the science of it all to us. Even that was 21 years ago and there has been so much more evidence based research on many issues related to breastfeeding.

For instance, Scientists are studying all kinds of topics related to breastfeeding and human milk…

They are learning more all the time about exactly what nutrients and vitamins and proteins and antiviral and antibacterial properties to human milk. Years ago, I heard there was over 100 ingredients to our milk and now there are several more hundred that have been identified.

Before I tell you what I learned…. Let’s pause for a minute – why do you think Jesse just stopped nursing… literally overnight!

Well, I was close to the end of my first trimester when this happened. I learned in that class I took that it is common for your supply to drop during your pregnancy. I thought that this might have been why as it made good sense. Barely any milk, what’s there to interest a busy toddler who loved following his big sister around. Nothing much, so I can see him losing interest and this certainly seemed like a good explanation. I remember nudging one of my friends, who was also taking this entry level breastfeeding educator class, and said: that is what happened with Jesse… he just lost interest because there was no milk. I remember thinking that years ago…. but I have to say, I was left with thinking… yes, this is probably why he lost interest, but I was still stuck with the abruptness of it all.

But a few days later, we learned about weaning. And I finally learned why Jesse weaned so abruptly and will fill you in on that in a minute. We learned about nursing strikes and how sometimes these are mistaken for weaning. We learned about different ways that babies can wean… on their own, gradually, sometimes it is parent led by eliminating feedings, shortening the feeding sessions, abrupt weaning. One of the most interesting things I have heard is how your milk changes.

Back then, I did not know so much about human milk. My knowledge base with Alisha, my first, 35 years ago was basic and I did not learn much more about breastfeeding from baby # 1 to baby #2 and other moms I knew, were just “winging the weaning.”

Given my lack of knowledge, I also did not know something else at the time that Jesse weaned. In the class I learned that our milk changes flavor, sometimes it is more subtle and other times it is more noticeable. Well, I practically jumped out of my chair when I learned in this entry level breastfeeding class that the concentration of protein, sodium and iron increases and the lactose concentration decreases during the weaning phase, giving the milk a more salty taste or perhaps even a sour taste, or at the very least, a flavor that your kiddo might just not like.

I immediately connected to that first time that Jesse gave me a funny face and climbed off my lap. Sitting in that class, it was easy for me to close my eyes and relive that moment. He did that several other times, but I just thought it was part of his playing around. Now I am convinced that, the volume was very low and probably tasted yukky to him and he was like.. no more, I’m outta here. So a majority of the weaning was quite gradual, but those last 3 feedings he had over a matter of days was probably getting less and less so there was little adjustment for my body to make. There was barely any milk, so no clogged ducts for me or breast infection for me. I say this because I know now that abrupt weaning can cause these issues, particularly more likely, the more milk you have.

When this happened with Jesse,

I admit to spending a few days being a little sad, however, I was quite pregnant with my third, having popped in like my second month, versus by 6 month with my first. I do what I somethings do with my mindset when I am trying to cope with a change. I turned this lemon of a situation into lemonade. I said to myself: Well, he was getting heavy laying on my lap nursing. He was so handsy with his fingers all in my face — He pulled at my hair, poking my eyes and putting up my nose and sticking in between my lips. He would nurse a minute or so and then use his arms to swat away at his older sister. Putting up with these antics was not really a big deal, until I became pregnant. My nipples were sore now and my patience for his fiddling about at the breast was low. I realized: I was okay with giving up acrobatic nursing. This realization was also more likely made easier by knowing there was going to be another baby to nurse.

BTW, this business of Jesse and his antics at the breast. I just dealt with it as I did not know the tips that I have learned since. In my online BF class, I give so many great tips and ideas on what to do with roaming hands and fingers. I even have a name for it and I talk about this in the class. If you are pregnant or in the very early days of breastfeeding, you may not know this yet, but our babies do get bigger and more active at the breast. It sounds kinda cute, but it can also be quite annoying – it was the fingers up my nose and the twirling of my hair that got me a bit crazy…..

Now, that other baby, my third one, #3, is named Carly Lea. Well, Carly was born in August and thank goodness breastfeeding her was so easy. I did not suffer one minute with any breast or nipple pain, I enjoyed a good supply and she loved nursing and plumped out quickly. Everything about this experience was the opposite of all the pain and emotional suffering with my first, in the early months of breastfeeding.

Oh, how I remember pining away for what I feel was lost in the early weeks of breastfeeding Alisha when it was just sooo painful. At the same time, grateful for this easy experience with Carly. We do that as moms you know…..play that “woulda, shoulda’ coulda’, game. I have learned to not wallow in that stuff too long. My mindset was to do the same thing I do at other times when I need to move forward – turn lemons into lemonade. Besides, as you will soon learn, breastfeeding Carly was easy and enjoyable, pain free and convenient, but it was still a different experience than the others.

Carly was born at home, just like my son Jesse was. I felt so great after her birth, that I walked outside the next morning, when she was about 8 hours old and showed her off to the neighbors! I was a very busy mom, active with my other two kids and all their activities at this point. My first, Alisha was starting Kindergarten, so Carly, well, I joke that she just sort of.. came along for the ride. Thank goodness she was a pretty mellow personality and was quite flexible as far as where she slept and how she ate. This poor child is in my arms breastfeeding with 2 other little kids running circles around me, playing at my feet, climbing on the couch, standing up and patting her on the head while she ate. While I was grateful that this was a much easier breastfeeding journey, I also had quite a bit of sadness in that it was not this.. quiet time – let’s sit down and nurse and bond with each other and get to know each other. Sure there were quiet times during the day and in the late evening and throughout the night and early am, however, Carly spent much of her daytime nursings in a pretty noise and active environment. Something else I had to let go of. What else could a busy mom of 3 do? There was no way that I could quietly go off to another room to sit quietly and breastfeed. Surely there were some periods of semi-quiet time vs. kids jumping up and down, playing and being noise. There were times when the other 2 played at my feet making all kinds of noises as they played with their toys. There were many, many times they sat on either side of me as I sat Indian Style on our futon couch while I nursed Carly. Sometimes I read books to them as Carly fed, sometimes I play acted with them and their little tykes people. Other times, poor Carly had to put up with siblings’ hands that were holding matchbox cars and driving their little ambulance trucks up and down her arms. Of course some of my fondest memories are of Carly holding onto one of those matchbox cars and pushing it up and around and around my chest as she fed. Up and around one breast and across my chest to the other side and up my arm and then across my face. Oh yes, these are the Happy and Most notable memories of breastfeeding older babies.

When you get to that stage yourself, you will remember me chatting about toddler antics at the breast and smile, knowing that you are not alone. There are many things I loved about nursing a toddler, but one of my fondest memories is how it all became a family affair. The other kids would say things like: When you are done nursing Carly, can we go to the park? Or, can you nurse Carly so she will take a nap and you can play with us? One of my favorite lines and one I heard thousands of times: Can you just nurse her so she will be quiet?

I nursed Carly long enough for her to be quite verbal and tell me what she liked and didn’t like. We would argue with each other about her roaming hands during nursing also. I found a few things that helped, but she still got into things at the breast. I had long hair, loved to wear long earrings and had glasses – there were plenty of places for her to get in trouble with and things that annoyed me at times. I know that my annoyance with this was far and few between though, because I know it can be short-lived and they go from one phase to the next. Overall, I loved breastfeeding with Carly and I just let her do her own thing. I cherished the quieter and alone times we breastfed. And life just went on. I was busy with kids and while I know that she nursed for 3 1/2 years, I don’t remember the exact last nursing, so I don’t remember the date exactly.

I do wish that I would have realized the importance of each one of my kids very last nursings. I just never knew that I would really care… but now, being a lactation consultant, I just wish I knew. I remember a few years ago when I read a very poignant blog where a mom talked about “the last nursing.” I had a lump in my throat. Sounds silly to you perhaps? Oh well, another one of the hazards of being a lactation consultant. Some people might say we get a bit weird about such things. But I would beg to differ – we just realize that the days and years go by so fast and we sometimes yearn for what was.

I do remember that she was down to nursing in the am and in pm and days could go by where she had no interest in the daytime and then she would here and there. I do know that Carly gradually reached a point where she was only nursing when she woke up. I also remember thinking at the time,,, I could probably do this forever as it was so easy, and just a few minutes and then she was done. I cherished these times as they were becoming increasingly rare. Since I had not been too successful in talking Alan into have a fourth, I knew this was probably going to be my last breastfeeding experience.

Reflecting on my weaning experiences….

Alisha was more planned and if I had to do it all over, I would have not started to eliminate nursing times and just let her go on her own as I am sure this is why she weaned so much earlier than the other ones.

With Jesse, not much could have changed as despite what others who don’t understand how breastfeeding works… you just cannot make a baby breastfeed if they don’t want to. You can’t bribe a toddler to breastfeed if he doesn’t want to. You just can’t. He was done, when he was done and I guess it just would have been nice to know why.

With Carly, there was nothing to change… well other than I would have liked to been aware of her “last nursing.” Other than that, breastfeeding her was easy from beginning to end and she was the only one out of my 3, who we were both able to allow the weaning process to evolve and it just happened on it’s own. No thinking, no planning, no drama, no physical or emotional pain…. just a natural slow weaning on her part.

While I did suffer with cracked and bleeding nipples, milk transfer issues, a few clogged ducts and 1 yeast infection during all my years of nursing, I am very glad that I did not suffer with engorgement or clogged ducts or breast infection during the weaning process, with any of my kids, as this so often happens when it is done abruptly.

In our interview, Winema said something that was quite profound for me to hear and I wanted to highlight this to anyone who is weaning. She talked about how important it was to keep your children close, lots of hugs and cuddles and sitting close to each other should continue, even when weaning ends. Our kids may not be at the breast getting fed, but they do need to be close, feeling, touching, smelling and connecting with us.

My greatest wish for you and weaning, is that you understand that for as long as your baby breastfeeds, you are passing on valuable nutrients to them. You are spending time with your babies that you will never, ever, be able to get back. This time period in both of your lives, just flies by and so you should keep you and your babies needs in mind when thinking about weaning and if you are not ready to wean, please don’t allow others in your life to have control over your breastfeeding journey. Always ask yourself: what do you want? what is best for my baby? and if your baby is older than a newborn try and take your baby’s wishes and needs into consideration. Let this be your guiding light.
My greatest wish as you near the end of your breastfeeding journey is to be able to wean,,, gradually,,, and with love.

I will leave you today with this little story. Perhaps you have heard this before:

The actress Salma Hayek traveled to the West African country, Sierra Leone with the children’s relief organization UNICEF. She was there, not as a celebrity, but as a humanitarian, to see first hand a leading cause of death in the developing world: tetanus. At the time, a TV show, Nightline sent their co-anchor Cynthia McFadden to document the journey. At that time she later stated that she was going through the weaning process with her own breastfed baby. She learned that women were encouraged to wean from breastfeeding very early as the belief is that you could not have a sexual life while breastfeeding. Since this was considered taboo, very early weaning was encouraged. At one point in her travels, she met a very hungry and sick newborn. She held this baby and just did what came naturally and offered this baby her breast. The world got to see her nurse a baby that was not her own. I remember feeling goosebumps as I watched her feed this baby. Unfortunately, others were not so heart warmed. She said: I received so many hate letters when I breastfed a starving baby in Africa. I was in sierra Leona and I was weaning my child at that time – she was not there with me. There was a hungry baby who was crying because his mom had no milk, and I thought, “Why throw away my milk if I can give it to a baby who needs it.?” Her motherly instincts kicked in and it was just that simple.

I loved seeing pictures of her in the mainstream media breastfeeding this baby. While there was controversy over it, it did get people talking about something they are not familiar with and it helped to normalize it …. and that is usually a good thing. because as you know, I am all about normalizing breastfeeding around the globe.