So excited to have you back with me this week.  I would like to welcome all of my newest listeners and give you a virtual hug and a big thank you for joining us me today.  Please take a moment to go to your podcast and subscribe to the show.  Once you do that, you can leave a lovely review, telling me what you like about the show and of course, offering any suggestions about content that you would like to see.</>In last weeks show, I introduced you to the gradual weaning and gave you some basic information.  This was Part 2 of my weaning series.  For today,  Part 2 – I am going to personalize this subject a bit and than add more information to your knowledge base about parent- led weaning.  In Part 3,  next week, “Just Lori show,” I am going to get personal again and share my 3 weaning stories with my own kiddos.

I remember before I became an IBCLC, I thought that weaning was an event that however it happened, that one day your baby was just not breastfeeding anymore.

Meaning, I really did not pay so much attention to the process that happened before that actual last breastfeed I had with my babies.  When they were no longer breastfeeding, I declared that they were weaned. And that was that!   Oh how I wish I were better informed in those days!  There was so much that I would have liked to have known that surely would have been helpful to my mental health.

Don’t laugh at  me!  Seriously.  this is what I knew.   I had little personal support and definitely no professional breastfeeding support during the early days of my breastfeeding. I do have to defend myself by reminding you that my kids are older and during my breastfeeding days, the rate of mothers who started breastfeeding when there baby was born was 25% and 3 months later, the percentage of mothers breastfeeding was probably down to 10%.  No one in my family ever breastfed.  The few women I met during my babies first year of life, did not really talk much about breastfeeding.  I was pretty much on my own and when my second baby was born, I met a group of moms who were actually breastfeeding beyond 1 year. I was now connected with a whole new group of friends and nothing could have made me happier.  I remember it well.

I was planning a homebirth, and looking for peer support for my birth plan.  I walked up to this house in North Massapequa, about 15 minutes away from my home.  My midwives, Penni and Peggy, had given me the address of a mother who had recently had a homebirth with them and said – here, check out Kandy’s group, she is a LLLL and she has had 2 homebirths and she is breastfeeding her 3 year old.  I was like – Whoa!  how fast can I get there.  I had to wait 3 weeks for the next “homebirth” meeting.  Oh my goodness though,,, when I walked into that living room and saw about 8 mothers sitting on the floor, on the couches and talking about birth and babies while they put babies of all ages to their breast, well, I just knew I was home!!  I finally found my people.

Even still though, there were no professionals to help us with breastfeeding.  The profession of IBCLCs had not begun yet and there was never any reason to talk to my pediatrician about it because they knew absolutely nothing about breastfeeding a baby beyond a few months.

They not only did not know anything about breastfeeding, my pediatrician thought I was being negligent breastfeeding Alisha past 6 months, which was already way too long in his opinion.  They literally thought you were damaging your child psychologically when breastfeeding beyond 6 months, in addition, were appalled that I was not giving formula as this had everything my baby needed and they thought my milk was quite deficient in all the nutrients that my baby needed. And 2 of the doctors in the busy practice I went to, made sure to let me know that they thought, in their words: “the whole things is weird.”   Seee. I told you things were different and it is not like this was a hundred years ago….    Needless to say, I am incredibly grateful that the medical profession now knows what myself and my mothering friends instinctively knew.  That my milk was filled with nutrients for my little human being I was raising.  I figured that she was packing on the pounds, was incredibly healthy, and it is how other mammals feed their young, so what could be so wrong?  My beautiful baby girl Alisha was thriving, she was gaining well, she was meeting all of her milestones and she was very, very happy and so was I.

At first my family really did not know what to say, other then it is just not something they were use to. There big thing that they would say to me all the time:  Well, just wait until she gets teeth.  You will obviously have to stop then.  The truth is – I just held my head up high in front of them, but truth be told, I did secretly wonder & worry how I was going to keep breastfeeding when Alisha got teeth.  In fact, I was obsessed with this issue and whenever I met anyone with an older baby that was breastfeeding, which was not too often, I did ask:  How did you keep breastfeeding after your baby got teeth?  Mostly, I got a few shrugs of the shoulder and was told – you just keep doing it and they learn not to bite.  I was still scared for that time to come.

And when she started drooling and when some family members would hear me commiserating about how much pain she seemed to be in during the teething process, I just knew they were waiting for my breastfeeding days to be over. She was a late teether and her teeth did take their time coming in, but I never stopped breastfeeding and in fact, breastfeeding was sometimes all that soothed her at times when I could tell she was in pain with her swollen gums.

I was desperate to take away her teething pain,.  Oral jel, a numbing lotion that you rubbed on teething babies gums was to touted as answering every mothers prayer to help ease their babies teething pain.  It kinda sorta seemed to work,,, but not really…  I think it just helped me knowing I was doing something, but Alisha was definitely still miserable at times and it seemed to be worse at night.  I was desperate, so I did listen to one of the suggestions my Aunt told me:  Now don’t get crazy on me and don’t judge, but I use to rub a little bit of whiskey on Alisha’s gums and oh my goodness, it helped soooooo much.  I would take some whiskey and put a few drops in a shot glass.  I would then take my finger, dunk it in the whiskey and then rub this on her gums.  I would say it was about a teaspoon worth each time and I have to admit, it sure did the trick.  How I wish I knew about homeopathy, with her, which is what I used for my next 2 kids when they were in pain from teething.

I am not saying there were not a few nips here and there, but it actually was not that big of a deal. I soon realized that I had obsessed needlessly.  But, that is what we do as parents, right?  I experimented with a few ways to get her to stop and it just kind of worked its way out.  This phase was soon gone and we went on our merry breastfeeding way.

My family members did not really know what to say as Alisha got older and I just kept on breastfeeding.  The next big joke was:  Well, I hope your not going to keep doing that when she goes to Kindergarten.  I hear a lot of family members say that and I wonder:  what is this about the whole Kindergarten thing??

My Aunt  Doris said:  well, Alisha is pretty healthy and she is plumping out, so I guess I really don’t have a leg to stand on, so to speak.  It was interesting to me, that she never realized that I never even asked her opinion.   Oh well, and so it goes.. the life of being a parent.

Anyway, it has been fun for me to reminisce.  I do get questions from time to time from my listeners who don’t understand why I say certain things like for instance, in this show, what my thoughts and knowledge base about weaning were, or how I dealt with teething and the breastfed baby.  It helps to know that my kids are older, there was no internet, perhaps 2 books on breastfeeding, no professional help and because the females in my family had skipped a few generations with breastfeeding, I had no one to ask questions to.   I think my story helps to illustrate to you that the times sure were different. I also enjoy sharing some of my personal experiences with you.

Now let’s learn some more about weaning. There was not so much information when I had my first, on breastfeeding in general and not much on even getting started.

Fast forward to the year 2020 and Currently, There’s a lot of information available to mothers about how to start breastfeeding and many ways for you to receive ongoing support  for breastfeeding, but in comparison to this, there is a lot less information on the weaning process.

I have a few books that I really like about weaning.  I have also interviewed some of the authors who have written books about weaning.  At the end of this show, I will share the books, the authors and  and the episodes on weaning.

Let’s expand on Parent – Led Weaning:

You will remember from last weeks show that I talked about Planned weaning and said this is when the mother or parent take the lead and purposefully begin the weaning process, usually with a definite or approximate date in mind as to when they will be done breastfeeding.

Some mothers go along with what the AAP has recommended.  Because these recommendations have changed over the last 50 years or so, it stands to reason that mother’s decisions about when to purposefully wean has naturally changed too.

Let’s go through the list of some common reasons given for planned parent lead weaning:

•  In the very early days of breastfeeding, some moms just have a really tough time with breastfeeding.  They are in pain and exhausted, anxious and getting depressed.  They are dealing with all kinds of breastfeeding and niplpe pain, chronic clogged ducts, breast infections and in using their words they tell me:  they are just done with it all.
• Sleep deprivation, total exhaustion, postpartum mood disorders are also reasons for early weaning.  Moms are just so exhausted, they are not eating well finding it hard to keep well hydrated and are struggling to take care of their basic hygiene needs. I provide home lactation consults all over the Phoenix, AZ area and there are so many families who have little to no help in their household.  They are exhausted, not eating, barely sleeping and some have no partner involvement or support.  You combine this with a baby that needs 24 hour care and they just may not be able to keep up.
• Some mothers have extreme postpartum health issues on their part.  They certainly never expected a traumatic birth which left them with some psychological issues to work out or some physical health issues that need lots of attention.
• Unfortunately, some mothers get poor breastfeeding advice and are told they need to wean and of course, if you know me, this just pisses me off.  To be prescribed a medication that is safe for breastfeeding… all the professional journals  have this researched based evidence in their writings and yet a mom is connected to some crappy provider who knows not what they say…. and tells her she must wean or she cannot take this medication that she so desperately needs.  I am telling you, more often than not, there are alternative medications that you can take, so be sure you exhaust all your efforts before making the decision to wean.  While I readily admit, there are absolutely times when you must choose medication over breastfeeding, these times are quite rare indeed.
• Other common reasons for parent led weaning are:  returning to work as this time period can be frought with much stress and tension for some of you. You may find it difficult coordinating breastfeeding with pumping and returning to work.
• There are sometimes conflicts that the breastfeeding mother has with her husband or partner about how long their baby is going to breastfeed for. I have been quietly involved in a few custody issues that involved the mother needing to wean.   They find the need to compromise and set out to plan a weaning time.
• There are societal pressures that moms feel. I often feel a bit heartsick over this when moms tell me that they really did enjoy nursing but because of how they were treated or how they were made to feel by nursing in public, forced them to wean their toddlers.
• Other reasons moms decide to wean is because they would like to get pregnant.  Perhaps they need to take fertility drugs to conceive, perhaps they just don’t want to breastfeed during a pregnancy or they have a health history of premature labor.
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• As you can see, the reasons to wean can vary widely.  As I begin to close out this show, I  want to spend just a moment discussing the need to not judge another mom for whatever breastfeeding decisions she makes and this includes weaning.  We are all only human and we will have our personal feelings about others and various situations.  However, it is not for us to offer our opinions when not asked for them or to act in a judgemental manner when another mother may be doing things differently that we would. Not that it is our business anyway, however, there may very well be things going on under the surface that you are not privy to.  There is one quote that I like to remember when I find myself judging.  It goes like this:  “Go ahead, judge me.  Just remember to be perfect the rest of your life.    I like this quote so much, and I need to hear it so I can help myself stay on track, so I am going to say it one more time”  It goes like this:  Go ahead, judge me.  Just remember to be perfect the rest of your life.
• I also want to state what may be the obvious. You don’t need to go this whole breastfeeding thing alone.  You can make a great decision and stack the cards all in your favor by going to:  aabreastfeeding.com/breastfeedingclass and register for my online breastfeeding class, which  which has a built in support group just for you.  The research clearly shows that mothers do best with breastfeeding and are more likely to be happy and meet their breastfeeding goals when you combine education with good old fashioned support with a breastfeeding expert. I would love to be your expert and look forward to seeing you in the group.
•   Imagine having breastfeeding education and support, not just for an hour or 2 before you have your baby, but throughout your whole breastfeeding journey.     I went through all this stuff, pretty much alone largely because I just did not have a choice.  You may have heard me say this before, but honestly, I would have given almost anything to be connected to an IBCLC during the time I was breastfeeding.  What I would have given if I could just send a post to my IBCLC and have her answer my concerns in a matter of hours.  This option surely would have saved me many hours of unnecessary angst as there were times that  I envisioned the worst.  Leaving with scared and alone with my own thoughts…. is pretty dangerous.  As a new mother,   I had no idea I would need continued support long after the 2 hour breastfeeding class I took. Little did I know that was just the beginning of my breastfeeding learning curve.
• Once I got through the practical beginning stuff of breastfeeding, I had so many other questions and concerns:  I had a very long list, but if I had to share my short list it would be: almost every question I had, I felt like it started with:  Is this normal?  This whole breastfeeding thing – well, I  put a lot of pressure on myself and I just needed to know if whatever was happening was normal?   As she got older, the whole teething thing and toddler acrobatic nursing thing and protecting my milk supply when my kiddo did not want to nurse for almost a day. How do I manage breastfeeding when I get sick?  when they get sick?  What if I have to go to the dentist?  can she breastfeed that day if I took pain meds or antibiotics?  It sure would have been helpful to  Learn a few good lines to deal with critics who thought they knew better than me & oh my goodness dealing with her pediatrician who didn’t know squat about breastfeeding… I was in it all alone and while I did what I felt was best, I also had to constantly fight  the struggle and self doubts I had at times.
• I have taken great pains to make sure weaning – a subject that is not often talked about, is definitely a part of my breastfeeding class. In Module 13, I really expand on the weaning process and give you lots more great information in Lesson 1 and 2 and 3.  For parents who think they should stop purely because there is little to no nutritional value in your milk after a year, well, I definitely got you covered as I fill you in on just how nutritionally valuable your milk is to the growing toddler and child.  I mean, you have hundreds of thousands of living cells in your milk, and every single time your baby drinks your milk, you are helping to strengthen their gut and are helping to build a strong immune system.
• I love when I hear physicians say that  breastfeeding is very good for babies, but than they crap out when it comes to toddler nursing.  They should be talking to you in detail about all the vitamins and minerals and protein as well as the antibacterial factors your toddlers continue to get  from your milk and how important this is to their immune system especially now that they are crawling around and putting everything and anything in their mouth.
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•  I discuss  in depth, something else we didn’t get to on this show.  I sure would have liked to have been prepared for having a strong hormonal response to weaning.  Another one of those lovely “why didn’t anyone tell me” moments I had for myself.   Did you know that postpartum depression is not just seen in the first trimester.  We also see it during the weaning process.  Do you know what a nursing strike is?  And how this compares to baby led weaning?  Yup.  We definitely get into all this and so much more. You may slide through this process without a thought or you may experience emotional roller coaster.  I do my absolute best to prepare you for what is to come – After taking my class, there is no reason for you to ever feel left out having missed crucial information and every reason for you to be a confident breastfeeding mom.  You will also get my version of a gradual planned mother/parent led weaning schedule.
• You know I would love to have you in my class so I can really be there for you during the Season of your breastfeeding journey.  So, please take a few minutes and go to:  aabreastfeeding.com/breastfeedingclass to register.  If you are a long time listener and feel like you are doing well and don’t necessarily need this kind of education and support, I bet you know a new mother who could use this class.  This also makes a great gift to the breastfeeding mother.
• My mantra for this season of your breastfeeding life is to do this:  Wean, gradually and with love.
• Oh yes, I did say that I would give you additional information.
• If you have not listened to a few of my other shows on weaning, check out episodes:
• #383     Winema Wilson Lanoue author of A Loving Weaning How to Move Forward Together
• #384      Pt 2
• #228 – An Interview with Katherine Havener, IBCLC, author of “Nursies when the Sun Shines.”
• Hang out with me next week while I take my weaning story that I have released a while ago and
• Before I say goodbye for now, I leave you with these thoughts about weaning:
• It’s a relationship, between two people.  It’s the mommy and the baby.  When it stops working for either of the two, then you need to come up with a solution… weaning might be in the cards for you.  Now you need to think about parent led or baby led weaning… whichever way you go about it, remember my mantra, gradually and with love.
• Until the next show, bye bye