Her Bio:

Hi I’m Jess. I’m mum to one daughter, Jude, who’s nearly 20 months, married to Maurice, and live in London, UK. I’m a freelance writer and editor and pregnant with baby number two, due August 2020. I’m also setting up a new micro business in reproductive health trauma support.

My motherhood journey’s been up and down and around the houses. We sadly had two early miscarriages close together in 2016 and 17, before finding out a few things via tests which helped us go on to have Jude. Jude’s pregnancy was straightforward, but she was born five weeks early so my breastfeeding journey started a little suddenly! After a rocky start, we settled into the most wonderful feeding relationship and I stopped feeding when she was 16 months old. Jude actually stopped feeding of her own accord, but it did coincide with my current pregnancy in some ways, which I’ll explain in the interview!

I can’t wait to breastfeed our next baby, I’ve learned so much from the first time around – the biggest thing being to surrender and enjoy it!

Her Background:

She was born in London, UK. She had a wonderful childhood. She has two younger brothers. They moved away from London when she was 11 years old. She had a golden childhood. Her mother was an amazing mom and her father worked for Disney and traveled to America a lot. Because her mom was the primary caregiver with her dad traveling a lot, her mom took off from teaching English so she could be there for her family. Both her parents are wonderful and she can now appreciate the sacrifices her parents made so they could have a good life.

Jess always wanted to be a veterinarian until she realized the sciences courses were just not for her. She also laughs as she tells us that she also really wanted to be a mother, but there came a point as she got older that she realized she did need to meet a compatible partner to which she could have children with and raise their children. She realized that it is not just as easy as just wanting to be a mother as she wanted to have the traditional family. She feels fortunate that she did meet her husband and that is when her future plans for being a mother began to fall into place.

Was Jess breastfed?

Yes, she was. Her mom breastfed her for about 6 months. Her mom does not remember how long she breastfed all of her babies and we can understand that as this was a long time ago. She does know that it was not that common for moms to breastfeed their babies for 6 moms as formula was very popular.

Jess does tell us that while her mother’s memory may have faded, she does have her mother’s journals which she kept about the daily life with her children. Jess tells us that her mother is a writer and she cannot wait to delve into these journals because there will probably be a lot of details about her children’s milestones that have been documented.

Tell us about your pregnancy:

She conceived rather easily, found out when she was 6 weeks and about a week later she was at “hen” party ( bridal party) when she just did not feel pregnant and wondered why she didn’t feel pregnant. About a week later, in the middle of the night, she miscarried. A hospital visit confirmed the miscarriage. She was understandably devastated, but did tell herself that miscarriages are fairly common and trusted that things will be okay next time. Several months went by and she conceived again. Never did she think she would ever miscarry again, but after 4 days of knowing she was pregnant, she did miscarry. At this point, she says that things really changed for her emotionally. She just could not believe that it was happening again. She did physically recover from it, however, she was forever changed emotionally. Friends around her were having babies and she did not know how to reach out to others who were able to conceive and keep a pregnancy. She needed for others to talk about it, but realized her friends were not comfortable talking about it.

It was about this time that she started to realize that the health care system really needed to change. She was unable to receive any kind of help or testing during this time period. You needed to have a third miscarriage before you are entitled to any kind of testing. So she decided to go to a private clinic which she absolutely loves. They are holistically orientated and practice preventative medicine. Tests were run and she was given a care plan which included mind/body plans as well as medication being prescribed. She went on to have a third pregnancy, that went quite smoothly.

Jess talked about her fears and the anger she felt from having had her 2 miscarriages. She feels she is over the worst of it since Jude was born, however, these feelings do creep up from time to time.

Jess tells us her birth story.

She actually was in labor on the same day that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding was. She had a vaginal birth that she describes as having went well. Jess tells us that midwifery care in the UK is very popular, however, the midwives rotate their work space a lot and it is rare for a mom to have the same midwife on a regular basis and often see a different midwife for the birth.

The early days of breastfeeding:

Jess tells us that in the UK, with the NHS, breastfeeding is talked about very positively and strongly encouraged. She feels they do a wonderful job prenatally explaining the benefits and having parents looking forward to breastfeeding. However, just like as in the US, there is a huge gap between parents starting off want to breastfeed and with getting help with breastfeeding once your baby is born as this is quite lacking.

You do have a healthcare worker come and check on you, however, they may or may not be helpful with breastfeeding. If you are having struggles, you will be given a referral, for which it may take you quite a few days to get help. The NHS is struggling financially and the breastfeeding help is less than optimal.

Jude was born several weeks early and weighed a little over 5 lbs 2 oz. She and her husband did get to spend some time skin to skin before the first breastfeeding. The student midwife who was with Jess for the birth, saw Jess breastfeeding and commented that she did a great job. This gave Jess a false sense of security because she figured it must have been going well. In hindsight, she realizes that perhaps she was not breastfeeding so well.

Jess spent a week in the hospital because Jude was jaundiced and needed to be under the bili lights. Her weight was always good during her hospital stay, however, she knows that this is because she was not only breastfeeding but was getting supplemented with formula. Jess felt that breastfeeding was slipping away from her as Jude was spending a lot of time under the bili lights. Once she was out of the crib to breastfeeding, she was very sleepy. Because of this, she was being tube fed formula.

Nurses and midwives were asking her how was breastfeeding going and Jess was like – what do you mean? It is hard. She is under the lights. Noone seemed to be giving her the help she needed. She so desperately wanted to breastfeed but felt so defeated and remembers thinking – Until the jaundice is gone and they can be together, breastfeeding was going to suffer.

Finally someone came and took the time to show her how to pump. She felt so happy when she saw the first few drops of milk and it was quite amazing when I could finally start adding my milk to her formula.

Finally one wonderful nurse, came into her room, must have noticed her crying and was the first person to actually sit with her and offer her one on one help with breastfeeding. Jess said that this was the first time she felt that her baby latched on. It was different and she just knew this was a good beginning.

Coming home:

Jude was 6 days old. She had become somewhat accustomed to the hospital routine and in a very short space of time, on the 6th day, she was told they could go home.

The first day home, she spent the afternoon in bed. She was breastfeeding her and things were going well. Her husband purchased the exact formula they used in the hospital. They just agreed that they would not use the formula until they could assess how breastfeeding was going. If she did need it, they would give it to her. But if she seemed satiated, they would not give it to her. They never really needed to give her any formula and for this she was quite happy.

It took about 2 months until Jess felt really comfortable and fully confident with breastfeeding. What seemed to really help was taking a plane trip to France by herself. She remembers having lots of time to get to the airport and on the plane, but she had to feed her multiple times through the airport, sitting in strange places, then on the plane and immediately fed her because that was going to feed her happy. When they got off the plane, she then fed the baby again. In France it is really nothing to breastfeed in public, this is when breastfeeding really took of. It was just me, in a hotel room and I just had to get on with it.

By the time she came back, I just wasn’t thinking about the right pillows, in the right place, in the right position. Jess quickly realized that you can breastfeed a baby anywhere – standing up, sitting down, whatever.

Jude breastfed for 16 months and weaning coincided with her decision to want to conceive again. She needed a couple of medications in the early days of pregnancy and the steroid medication was a concern for her doctors as this was not safe during pregnancy.

While she could see the end of breastfeeding in the near future, she was not really ready for weaning

A couple of weeks after that appointment she did not want her night time feed. She was happy with a cuddle, so Jess put her down and she was fine. This happened a few more nights and when she did breastfeed, it was briefly.

A short time later she went to a wedding without Jude. She went cold turkey and did not remove the milk and had only been feeding from one side. She needed relief and she fed Jude – she called it a mercy feed. This turned out to be her last feeding and this was very special for her. Jess is grateful that the weaning happened really easy and that Jude appeared to be ready because she is not quite sure how she would have done if she had to push weaning.

Pearls of wisdom:

The best thing you can do is trust yourself and your baby. You can have all the stories and all of the advice in the world, but if it feels right to you and you feel your baby is happy and is getting what they need, then you can trust that.

Reproductive health trauma and support:

This new micro-business is in the early stages. It is connected to everything that I went through before having Jude. It struck me that the stories that I heard around me that whether it is miscarriages or a traumatic birth or a difficult birth or problems with breastfeeding that have amounted to some really serious mental health issues, reproductive health is an area that needs a really specific loving support. A lot of time you are told things like: “as long as the baby is okay.” Of course, this is true, but your thoughts and feelings are not then validated.

Micro-business that she is setting up is about those experiences, a place to go and connect and a place where it is safe to talk about miscarriage, a traumatic birth. It is in the infancy stages and Jess is very much looking forward to getting this off the ground over the next year.

We talked about the fact that this affects both parents. This trauma affects partners also and this is often not talked about or addressed. Jess will definitely address this in the work she is doing.

Her contact information:

@live.through (Insta reproductive support)
@jessikins86 (Instagram)

Part 2 Her Bio:

Hi I’m Jess. I’m mum to one daughter, Jude, who’s nearly 20 months, married to Maurice, and live in London, UK. I’m a freelance writer and editor and pregnant with baby number two, due August 2020. I’m also setting up a new micro business in reproductive health trauma support.

My motherhood journey’s been up and down and around the houses. We sadly had two early miscarriages close together in 2016 and 17, before finding out a few things via tests which helped us go on to have Jude. Jude’s pregnancy was straightforward, but she was born five weeks early so my breastfeeding journey started a little suddenly! After a rocky start, we settled into the most wonderful feeding relationship and I stopped feeding when she was 16 months old. Jude actually stopped feeding of her own accord, but it did coincide with my current pregnancy in some ways, which I’ll explain in the interview!

I can’t wait to breastfeed our next baby, I’ve learned so much from the first time around – the biggest thing being to surrender and enjoy it!

Her Background:

She was born in London, UK. She had a wonderful childhood. She has two younger brothers. They moved away from London when she was 11 years old. She had a golden childhood. Her mother was an amazing mom and her father worked for Disney and traveled to America a lot. Because her mom was the primary caregiver with her dad traveling a lot, her mom took off from teaching English so she could be there for her family. Both her parents are wonderful and she can now appreciate the sacrifices her parents made so they could have a good life.

Jess always wanted to be a veterinarian until she realized the sciences courses were just not for her. She also laughs as she tells us that she also really wanted to be a mother, but there came a point as she got older that she realized she did need to meet a compatible partner to which she could have children with and raise their children. She realized that it is not just as easy as just wanting to be a mother as she wanted to have the traditional family. She feels fortunate that she did meet her husband and that is when her future plans for being a mother began to fall into place.

Was Jess breastfed?

babies and we can understand that as this was a long time ago. She does know that it was not that common for moms to breastfeed their babies for 6 moms as formula was very popular.

Jess does tell us that while her mother’s memory may have faded, she does have her mother’s journals which she kept about the daily life with her children. Jess tells us that her mother is a writer and she cannot wait to delve into these journals because there will probably be a lot of details about her children’s milestones that have been documented.

Tell us about your pregnancy:

She conceived rather easily, found out when she was 6 weeks and about a week later she was at “hen” party ( bridal party) when she just did not feel pregnant and wondered why she didn’t feel pregnant. About a week later, in the middle of the night, she miscarried. A hospital visit confirmed the miscarriage. She was understandably devastated, but did tell herself that miscarriages are fairly common and trusted that things will be okay next time. Several months went by and she conceived again. Never did she think she would ever miscarry again, but after 4 days of knowing she was pregnant, she did miscarry. At this point, she says that things really changed for her emotionally. She just could not believe that it was happening again. She did physically recover from it, however, she was forever changed emotionally. Friends around her were having babies and she did not know how to reach out to others who were able to conceive and keep a pregnancy. She needed for others to talk about it, but realized her friends were not comfortable talking about it.

It was about this time that she started to realize that the health care system really needed to change. She was unable to receive any kind of help or testing during this time period. You needed to have a third miscarriage before you are entitled to any kind of testing. So she decided to go to a private clinic which she absolutely loves. They are holistically orientated and practice preventative medicine. Tests were run and she was given a care plan which included mind/body plans as well as medication being prescribed. She went on to have a third pregnancy, that went quite smoothly.

Jess talked about her fears and the anger she felt from having had her 2 miscarriages. She feels she is over the worst of it since Jude was born, however, these feelings do creep up from time to time.

Jess tells us her birth story.

She actually was in labor on the same day that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding was. She had a vaginal birth that she describes as having went well. Jess tells us that midwifery care in the UK is very popular, however, the midwives rotate their work space a lot and it is rare for a mom to have the same midwife on a regular basis and often see a different midwife for the birth.

The early days of breastfeeding:

Jess tells us that in the UK, with the NHS, breastfeeding is talked about very positively and strongly encouraged. She feels they do a wonderful job prenatally explaining the benefits and having parents looking forward to breastfeeding. However, just like as in the US, there is a huge gap between parents starting off want to breastfeed and with getting help with breastfeeding once your baby is born as this is quite lacking.

You do have a healthcare worker come and check on you, however, they may or may not be helpful with breastfeeding. If you are having struggles, you will be given a referral, for which it may take you quite a few days to get help. The NHS is struggling financially and the breastfeeding help is less than optimal.

Jude was born several weeks early and weighed a little over 5 lbs 2 oz. She and her husband did get to spend some time skin to skin before the first breastfeeding. The student midwife who was with Jess for the birth, saw Jess breastfeeding and commented that she did a great job. This gave Jess a false sense of security because she figured it must have been going well. In hindsight, she realizes that perhaps she was not breastfeeding so well.

Jess spent a week in the hospital because Jude was jaundiced and needed to be under the bili lights. Her weight was always good during her hospital stay, however, she knows that this is because she was not only breastfeeding but was getting supplemented with formula. Jess felt that breastfeeding was slipping away from her as Jude was spending a lot of time under the bili lights. Once she was out of the crib to breastfeeding, she was very sleepy. Because of this, she was being tube fed formula.

Nurses and midwives were asking her how was breastfeeding going and Jess was like – what do you mean? It is hard. She is under the lights. Noone seemed to be giving her the help she needed. She so desperately wanted to breastfeed but felt so defeated and remembers thinking – Until the jaundice is gone and they can be together, breastfeeding was going to suffer.

Finally someone came and took the time to show her how to pump. She felt so happy when she saw the first few drops of milk and it was quite amazing when I could finally start adding my milk to her formula.

Finally one wonderful nurse, came into her room, must have noticed her crying and was the first person to actually sit with her and offer her one on one help with breastfeeding. Jess said that this was the first time she felt that her baby latched on. It was different and she just knew this was a good beginning.

Coming home:

Jude was 6 days old. She had become somewhat accustomed to the hospital routine and in a very short space of time, on the 6th day, she was told they could go home.

The first day home, she spent the afternoon in bed. She was breastfeeding her and things were going well. Her husband purchased the exact formula they used in the hospital. They just agreed that they would not use the formula until they could assess how breastfeeding was going. If she did need it, they would give it to her. But if she seemed satiated, they would not give it to her. They never really needed to give her any formula and for this she was quite happy.

It took about 2 months until Jess felt really comfortable and fully confident with breastfeeding. What seemed to really help was taking a plane trip to France by herself. She remembers having lots of time to get to the airport and on the plane, but she had to feed her multiple times through the airport, sitting in strange places, then on the plane and immediately fed her because that was going to feed her happy. When they got off the plane, she then fed the baby again. In France it is really nothing to breastfeed in public, this is when breastfeeding really took of. It was just me, in a hotel room and I just had to get on with it.

By the time she came back, I just wasn’t thinking about the right pillows, in the right place, in the right position. Jess quickly realized that you can breastfeed a baby anywhere – standing up, sitting down, whatever.

Jude breastfed for 16 months and weaning coincided with her decision to want to conceive again. She needed a couple of medications in the early days of pregnancy and the steroid medication was a concern for her doctors as this was not safe during pregnancy.

While she could see the end of breastfeeding in the near future, she was not really ready for weaning

A couple of weeks after that appointment she did not want her night time feed. She was happy with a cuddle, so Jess put her down and she was fine. This happened a few more nights and when she did breastfeed, it was briefly.

A short time later she went to a wedding without Jude. She went cold turkey and did not remove the milk and had only been feeding from one side. She needed relief and she fed Jude – she called it a mercy feed. This turned out to be her last feeding and this was very special for her. Jess is grateful that the weaning happened really easy and that Jude appeared to be ready because she is not quite sure how she would have done if she had to push weaning.

Pearls of wisdom:

The best thing you can do is trust yourself and your baby. You can have all the stories and all of the advice in the world, but if it feels right to you and you feel your baby is happy and is getting what they need, then you can trust that.

Reproductive health trauma and support:

This new micro-business is in the early stages. It is connected to everything that I went through before having Jude. It struck me that the stories that I heard around me that whether it is miscarriages or a traumatic birth or a difficult birth or problems with breastfeeding that have amounted to some really serious mental health issues, reproductive health is an area that needs a really specific loving support. A lot of time you are told things like: “as long as the baby is okay.” Of course, this is true, but your thoughts and feelings are not then validated.

Micro-business that she is setting up is about those experiences, a place to go and connect and a place where it is safe to talk about miscarriage, a traumatic birth. It is in the infancy stages and Jess is very much looking forward to getting this off the ground over the next year.

We talked about the fact that this affects both parents. This trauma affects partners also and this is often not talked about or addressed. Jess will definitely address this in the work she is doing.

Her contact information:

@live.through (Insta reproductive support)
@jessikins86 (Insta)