Episode 369

This week, a mom posted this question:

My son is 5 days old. Since day one we have struggled with getting him to sleep anywhere but in our arms. When we put him down to sleep he will maybe be quiet for a couple minutes but will start crying. He will not calm until we pick him back up. We have the hall bassinet in our bedroom and a crib in a separate room. We have tried both as well as a baby box with the same outcome. We have used various swaddles, sleep sacks, arms in arms out. Every night one of us is awake with him every moment of the night and we are getting overwhelmed and feel defeated and hopeless. I get scared though because there will be times I’m sitting up with him or nursing at night and I will start to fall asleep. I don’t know what to do and am hoping for advice/experience that may help the situation.

Now, I am happy to say that she did get a lot of good advice and one of my favorite piece of advice was to suggest that she practice co-sleeping and other members agreed and brought up the importance of safe co-sleeping. Once you are in the group, you can check out the whole thread. For right now, I want to say that in addition to co-sleeping as a response to her babies frequent waking, I also want to be sure her baby is getting enough food. In my experience, a baby who is waking up this frequently is usually a baby that is not getting enough food per feeding. Some babies may actually be getting enough over the course of the whole day, but they are taking half as much food as they really need each feeding and are having twice as many feedings to get the total volume needed per day. They may not be getting enough for them to feel fully satiated at each feeding. This causes them to snack throughout the day and night.

In my experience, when this happens, babies usually do not gain so well as they are burning a lot of calories from the excessive feedings to try and get enough food. They are also not sleeping too well and are often spending a lot of time crying. All these issues together, frequently burn more calories than they are taking in, which is what leads to poor weight gain.

I would like to work directly with this mom and teach her about safe co-sleeping. I would also like to make sure that she understands the importance of ruling out any medical issues for her baby’s behavior. I want to remind you that yes, newborns do wake up frequently and do feed frequently and do like to to be held and in close touching proximity to their mom most of the time. But, this member said:

Every night one of us is awake with him every moment of the night and we are getting overwhelmed and feel defeated and hopeless. I get scared though because there will be times I’m sitting up with him or nursing at night and I will start to fall asleep. I don’t know what to do and am hoping for advice/experience that may help the situation.

So, in addition to the wonderful support and advice she was given by out other group members, Here is what else I would like for her to factor in as she works towards solving this situation.

Many of you have heard me say that when we are trying to figure out if your baby is getting enough at the breast, that my primary concern is not how long your baby is at the breast as this is not the best way to judge how breastfeeding is going. It seems this is a popular piece of advise moms are being given. If your baby spends about “x” amount of minutes at your breast, then your baby is doing a good job. If you are new to the show, you will want to go back to Episode #247. I share with you my words of wisdom as I explain why time spent at the breast is not nearly as important as focusing on good latch is to good breastfeeding.

You have hear me talk a lot about why you wanted to avoid getting too hooked into how long your baby was at the breast and that your focus should be more about how well your baby is latched on. My mantra for this weeks show is: Watch the Baby, not the clock.

The very first thing you need to know is how to tell when your baby is transferring milk at the breast, meaning do you know how to tell when your baby is actively drinking versus when your baby is at your breast and more or less taking sucks here and there and just hanging out, spending more time sleeping or pacifying at the breast, rather than actually drinking a good feedings worth. It is imperative that you learn how to tell if your baby is getting enough.

When I work with moms, I sometimes find that there whole host of breastfeeding challenges, is all solved by just changing what is happening during feeding times. Once they shift from a baby snacking around the clock, to a baby getting a full belly each and every feeding, all of a sudden there baby does fall asleep after some breastfeedings and does sleep for an hour and a half or more. Once they shift from a baby snacking around the clock, to a baby getting a full belly each and every feeding, all of a sudden there baby actually does okay with being put down for short periods of time, or calm down and sleep easily when laying in close proximity to their mom as she naps too.

Sure babies get fussy and gassy and overwhelmed and are not the sleeping baby you thought you were going to get, however, you would be very surprised to see the difference between a snacker and a well fed baby. While breastfeeding is a natural thing to do, it does not necessarily come naturally to most of us. There is a huge learning curve, particular in the early days of breastfeeding. I am going to now share some information that might be helpful for you to know as you are working hard to ensure your baby has good, satiated feedings that fill his belly.

I would love for you to factor this information in with all of the other advise you have been receiving.

Let’s begin by understanding that while we can have our averages… average supply that moms have, the average time it takes a baby to get a good feeding, average weight gain, average feeding frequency, there are also variables in all these areas.

Each woman has a different breast storage capacity. You know I like to enjoy life and have a good sense of humor about all things breastfeeding. Well, my favorite thing to say is that all moms are “holding” a different amount of milk in their breasts. This differs from feeding to feeding and even differs from the right breast to the left breast. Yes, it’s true. I know a lot of moms go into their breastfeeding experience assuming that their right and left breast will make the same amount….. this is so not true for many of us.

We have different volumes of milk that we hold in each breast. Guess what else is different. Your baby. Two adults live in the same household and are served the same amount of food. It is lik ely that one is going to be a slower eater than the other. It is likely one will take 15 minutes to finish their meal and the other will take 25 minutes. If you are like most people, there will be some feedings during the day that you are hungrier and will eat more than at other times of the day.

Me? Well, I am not so hungry in the earlier part of the day and have to make myself eat breakfast. Near the end of the day is when I seem to be the hungriest. If I am eating more food, it will also take me longer to finish my meal.

Think about this for a minute – If each of your breasts make a different amount and your baby does not have the exact feeding behavior as your friends baby who lives across the street, doesn’t it stand to reason that each baby will take a different amount of time to feed, until they are full. Why on earth do we expect each baby to finish a feeding in exactly the same amount of time?

We know that when the milk is removed frequently and efficiently, moms tend to build a very good supply. We know that when the baby gets free range of time at the breast, the baby tends to control the volume of milk a mom makes.

Now let’s think about the mom who times her baby at the breast. If her baby is still feeding effectively, is alert and interested and sucking and swallowing and the mom removes her baby at the breast after 10 minutes, she is likely stopping her baby from having a full feeding.