Episode 360

Making the decision to breastfeed your baby – one would think this is a simple decision and one that, given the well known benefits, that family and friends would be supportive of.

You will have some friends and family members who are incredibly supportive.  They know what your needs are and do all they can to help you get through the early days of postpartum life. They may not be able to fix everything for you, but the help they offer is supportive and not detrimental to your breastfeeding.

Some of you are not so fortunate.  This article is to help you prepare for your postpartum life.  It will be particularly helpful if you are concerned that you will not get the support you need. I want to help you avoid any of the common pitfalls that occur when you have people around you who really are not that supportive of breastfeeding.  I do believe that your family and friends who love you, do have the best of intentions. Often times, they just do not understand the breastfeeding mother. I also have some good tips for all moms as they look forward to those first few weeks at home with a new baby.In case you have not received this new flash yet, your life as a  new parent will be filled with many different emotions and an immediate change in your daily lifestyle that will more than likely be an interesting adjustment for you.   You understand you will be tired and not at your best physically or emotionally for quite a few weeks.

After having listened to other friends talk about the struggles they endured during this postpartum time period, you are highly motivated to do all you can ahead of time to make this a happy and memorable time.

The biggest mistakes new parents make is to underestimate how exhausted they really will be.  I find that moms just do not realize the emotional and physical toll the pregnancy and birth has been on their bodies.  Some are shocked that they just don’t bounce back shortly after birth.One other area that is often not realized is the emotional intensity of new motherhood.  I remember hearing other moms say that the love they felt for their baby was so intense that they would jump in front of a car to save their lives.  I remember thinking.. yeah right! And then one day, looking down at Alisha in her carriage in a parking lot at the local mall. A car swerved quickly into a parking space close to us & my reaction was immediate.  Right then and there, I understood exactly what that meant – to love so hard, so deeply, that you would jump in front of a car to save your babies life. These intense emotions are what makes us vulnerable and sensitive about things we just could not have imagined.

Our loved ones say things that they think are helpful  – for example this is a very common scenario –

Upon hearing your baby cry after feedings, they interpret this as your baby is not getting enough food and they will say – How can you be sure he is getting enough.  Maybe you should give him some formula just to be safe.

Then there is what I call – The War of the Paci.

You did your research and decided that you would like to avoid pacifiers specifically in the early days of breastfeeding.  But every time your baby cries for more than a few minutes, or a family member sees you struggling to cope with a crying baby, they are pushing that pacifier on you.

You don’t even have a pacifier in the house as you did not plan on using one, but they keep offering to go get one or worse yet, come back the next day with several cute pacifiers that they just can’t wait to use. These comments are not spoken just once or twice, but often enough, to put you in a bad mood.It’s as if they have been programmed to push all the right buttons –

Other hurtful comments might be:  Oh dear, you are looking pretty worn out.  Here let me take the baby so you can sleep.  You keep saying that you are fine, but they keep insisting that you lay down and they will take the baby for you.  They even have your partner buying into this and soon your partner is beginning to encourage you to take them up on there offer.

Some moms realize that others in their home are not so respectful.  You have asked them to be quiet or to hang out in another room while you breastfeed and they just wave their hand saying:  Oh, honey, don’t think I have never seen a pair of breasts before. Just go on and feed your baby and don’t worry about me, just pretend I’m not here.  You don’t want to pretend they are not in the room with you. You don’t want them in the room with you.

Preparing for a peaceful postpartum household is critical so you can feel relaxed in your own home and not have to worry about taking care of others.

I have 6 tips to help you prepare for a peaceful household.

1. Be sure to think about your needs first.
2. Do not worry so much about  disappointing or offending or hurting others feelings.  You need to take care of yourself first and it helps to set boundaries now as this will reduce your stress levels and set the stage for you being able to communicate your needs from now on.
3. Taking the time to discuss this with your partner and for both of you to be in agreement on who you have helping you, during the day or overnight.  Come up with an exit plan if things are not working out. Who will be the bad guy, if you need to ask them to leave and what will they say?
4. Be sure the people you are surrounding yourself with are supportive of breastfeeding. If your mother or mother-in-law never breastfed, you should engage them in a conversation about what they know about breastfeeding.  Do they know that this is what you will spend a lot of time doing.. that you are not going to be hosting or entertaining them? If you know you are going to be shy about breastfeeding in front of them, now is a good time to let them know this. Are you someone who needs their private time and will these people you have around you respect that.
5. – How can you find your way out of awkward situations.  Have your heart to heart discussion with them ahead of time.  If this is not something your comfortable with, can your partner do that for you.
6. Remember the reason you are being pro-active and preparing for life postpartum.  The early weeks are a huge transition, a time for learning all about breastfeeding, getting to know your baby and transitioning into motherhood.  This is your Babymoon period. similar to the honeymoon period where you are focused on each other, are very thoughtful with who you want to be spending much of your time with and who you will be taking advice from.  Your babymoon time is this wonderful, special time that is rather short-lived. You will be making lasting memories and you want to strive for them to be happy ones that will bring you joy for the rest of your life.