Episode 306

Today I wanted to share a story of a mom that I worked with recently. She had a traumatic birth and did not breastfeed her baby immediately. She was told that he could not wait, needed to have some nourishment as they were concerned about his blood sugar levels. She had no problem agreeing to give him formula. Here is where I am going to pick up her story and I think it is an important one and you will find out why as we go along.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of providing a home visit for a mom who lives in a suburb of Phoenix. I will call her Samantha and tell you that she is 36 year old woman who had her first baby boy after suffering through 3 miscarriages. Her Husband, Andy met me at the door and had a water bottle in his hand saying to me that I must be thirsty! I really appreciated his thoughtfulness as the Phoenix temperatures have been hovering between 111 and 114 for the past few days. I usually bring plenty of water with me, but I was running low, so thanked Andy and came on in.

His wife Samantha was pacing back and forth with her baby, a really cute boy named Justin who was 5 weeks old. Tears in Samantha’s eyes and a crying baby who was very hungry…. actually this is quite the typical scene for me. It would be nice if I could just show up whenever the baby is hungry, however, there is no way I could manage a work day like this. Moms need to make appointments and because babies eating time is usually unpredictable and because I need for babies to be hungry so I can work on breastfeeding, it can make for a pretty interesting household trying to keep your baby from being too full when I get there and yet not so hungry they cannot calm down and relax.

There are many times that I tell moms that we are going to “walk and talk” at the same time. Rather than begin with a nice leisurely conversation, getting to know each other and hearing about their most current and difficult challenges, we just get right into it. I always weigh babies before mom feeds so off with his clothes and leaving just his diaper on. After he was weighed, Samantha settled herself into the place where she is most comfortable breastfeeding, while I used glove fingers to check Justin’s oral cavity.

When I was ready to request that Samantha put Justin to the breast, she informed me that she really didn’t have any idea about what to do. I asked her to just show me what she has been doing and she nodded okay, but I could tell that she was very hesitant. Her husband Andy said that she has only breastfed twice and he cried so loud each time, that she stopped after a few minutes. I knew he had been mostly bottlfed, but from her notes I thought that she had been trying every day because she told me that breastfeeding was very stressful and that it was hurting her.

Justin wasn’t calm and relaxed, but he also wasn’t crying loudly, more like he was revving up to something as he was just frantically turning his head from side to side and batting his hands across his face and crying a bit. I never want to undermine any moms confidence in her ability to breastfeed her baby and at the same time, I know she was looking at me for guidance. I suggested that she hold him, talk to him and see if she could calm him down a bit before showing me what she had done before and that we would make adjustments as we went along.

I observed some positioning at the breast that I can easily see is going to agitate her baby even more and make it very, very difficult for him to latch on. After about 2 minutes of her trying and with her baby just bobbing on and off the nipple, I asked her if it would be okay if I show her a few things that might help.

She said of course, and I intuitively felt like her baby needed to have what I say is more of a controlled latch. I explained to her what I was doing and why I was doing it and after 2 attempts, her baby latched on and began immediately began sucking. Since I had put her baby on her breast for her, I wanted her to enjoy this experience of her baby breastfeeding for the first time. So, I explained to her that her hands were going to replace mine, which can be quite tricky and not always an easy thing to accomplish because I don’t want the baby to lose the latch.

I first removed my hand from her breast and she replaced my hand with hers. I felt it important for her specific situation that she provide excellent breast support while her baby was feeding. I then gently took my hand away from her baby’s back and had her bring her arm around his body, and place her palm against his back and her two fingers gently cupped around his neck. If the latch is maintained, this is great because I knew that Samantha needed a confidence booster. To see and feel your baby finally breastfeeding after 3 weeks, is a huge gamechanger for her and I really wanted her to relax and enjoy the moment.

If we lose the latch, I tell moms that is okay because we are going to take her baby on and off a bunch of times anyway, so she can practice this and have her hands on her baby for the rest of the consult and not mine. It never does any mom good if I take an active role during the whole consult. However, sometimes it is helpful to do so just to demonstrate the adjustments I verbally suggest. Everyone learns differently and I find that for many new moms, they need to hear it, see it and do it and do it and do it and do it, again and again.

Sometimes all this practice is hard on the baby, however, I tell moms that it is for the greater good. I want them to leave their consult with a good understanding of how to latch their baby on because, guess what?? I don’t go home with them.

Well, we were able to make that switch without losing the latch. Samantha was quiet for a minute or two and when I asked her how it felt, she became teary eyed. Her husband moved from where he was sitting and stood behind her and gently massaged her shoulders and leaned in and whispered into her ear – I knew you could do it. I just sat back and enjoyed the moment myself. Ladies – your partners are the most important person in your breastfeeding world. They are spending all this time with you and are the ones you look to for help and support in your everyday life and with breastfeeding it is no different. You need for them to believe in you and to whatever you need in order to support you in this journey. To see Andy respond with such love and gentleness, well it really made me feel good to know that Samantha had such love in her household.

The rest of the consult was focused on her practicing latching her baby on. Which she accomplished many more times with excellent results. As her baby breastfed, I took the opportunity to talk about the bullet points of normal newborn breastfeeding behavior. This was crucial because both parents were only use to seeing Justin bottlefeed and she now needed to learn about nutritive sucking, one side or both sides, how does she know when he is done, when he has had enough, should she keep pumping, if so, how often, and the list goes on.

When all was said and done Justin took about as much milk directly from the breast as he has been taking from bottles. I always say that I love the crutch of using a scale. Of course, I have years of experience and most of the time I can easily tell when a baby is having good milk transfer. I love the scale though because every once in a while, I am wrong about what I see and I love that I have the scale to tell me this. I also love the scale as parents can see the numbers and it is a huge confidence builder when the numbers show how much milk their baby transferred. A big part of breastfeeding for moms is building their confidence as it seems we have so much against us and when things are rough we doubt ourself.

The moral of this story is a good one, which was highlighted to me as her husband walked me out of the house when the consult was over and said this to me. Thank you so much for your help and for your kindness. My wife has been so traumatized by so many things going wrong with the birth that she had planned. She has been feeling very guilty that she did not want to breastfeed the first time he was hungry. She was in so much pain she just could not focus or even think about holding our baby. She thought it was all her fault that he would not breastfeed. I convinced her to let you come and help and see if there was anyway our baby could breastfeed because frankly, I was not even sure he would or could. It was very hard for both of us to see him scream each time she tried, harder for her and she thought too many bottles and Justin would never breastfeed. Andy said that she needed to be convinced because she was feeling vulnerable, emotional and not sure who she could trust.

Now just because I said she needed to be convinced does not mean that anyone should get the message that she was pushed into meeting with me or that this is something she did not want. She was afraid and he convinced her by saying that he will be there the whole time and asked her wouldn’t she like to try one more time before coming to the conclusion that breastfeeding was just not go ing to work. She wanted to try one more time.

So, here’s the thing that I want you to know. If there is anyone listening now that is struggling with breastfeeding and is fearful your baby has had too many bottles and therefore will not breastfeed, please seek expert help as this is not true at all. Sometimes with just a little guidance and a whole bunch of positivity and someone helping to build your confidence, it can be done. You can be a breastfeeding mom. With Samantha, it was purely position and latch a major lack of confidence and anxiety over hearing her baby cry at her breast, which was a continued reminder of her birth trauma.
She welcomed me into her world, into her home and gave me the opportunity to help her, even when she was at her lowest. Bravo to her husband Andy, for reaching out to me and much admiration to Samantha for her ability to push through her fears and anxiety. It aint’ easy. I just want to let moms know that if you are struggling, look for your support person, tell them how you feel and together reach out for help.