Episode 93     

I like being able to share stories of the families that I work with. I also want to be sure that I respect everyone’s privacy. I have said this in previous shows, however, we are doing fabulous here at All About Breastfeeding and gaining many new listeners every week. For the newest listeners, I want you to know that I share stories so that we may all learn from them. When I share a story, I change and rearrange and leave out as much information as I possibly can, while still keeping the foundation of the story real. I change so much that no one will ever guess who it is, even if you think it is you, it probably isn’t. I might say that I saw the mom this week and it could have been a few months ago. Your boy is now girl. Your significant other may be a male or female, attended the consult or not,, and if it is not relevant to the story, I will change that up also. Again, the important parts of the story are real and are what happened.

As many of you know, I have started a Facebook Group and it is called: All About Breastfeeding Community. This week I posted the following:

I had a consult with a mom today. I will call her Sally ( not her real name). She may join this group. I don’t know. So the details of her story will not be discussed. if she does join this group, I would love her to feel the support from the rest of the members. She is in such a hard place with breastfeeding. Seems so many things have been difficult from the get go and she is frustrated beyond belief. Sally is about ready to give up. She feels like breastfeeding has been so much easier for everyone else and really down about why she is struggling so. We all know that it goes easy for some and struggles for others. However, when you are new at this, you tend to feel all alone. I asked the group: What words of wisdom can you share with Sally? You may never know if your words get seen by her, but I promise you, they will be seen by others who will benefit. Thanks for supporting each other!

It is now a few days later and I have left a voice mail and I have sent an email to Sally. No, sad to say that I have not heard back from her yet. The key word is Yet! I am every hopeful that she will contact me in the next few days. Sally was so overwhelmed by the time I visited with her. I believe that if I had seen her earlier, before all the breastfeeding issues had piled on top of each other, it would have been easier for Sally to be focused and work on this.

Heidi posted: If baby can’t latch for whatever reason every oz is a gift. Breastfeeding does not have to be all or nothing. Rule 1 is feed the baby but there are so many ways to nurse that are about more than just milk and there are so many ways to give your baby human milk even if it isn’t an all in situation. You are working so hard. If you are seeing Lori we know that you are doing everything that is within your power and you are a good mom.

Lori J. Isenstadt posted : Great words of wisdom Heidi. Just as there are many ways to mother our babies, there are many ways to breastfeed your baby.

Kristina posted. I told my lactation consultant after my first baby, that breast feeding was the most unnatural natural thing I could imagine. Once my issues were corrected it was so beautifully fulfilling for baby and me!

Lori posted: YIKES Kristina I remember when I was new at my job, I ran to my mentor the first time a mom said this to me. I felt like – okay… and what am I suppose to do with that?? Luckily I had a wonderful mentor who talked me down & reminded me what I knew and gave me some helpful tips on how to proceed. Just like what happened to you, when this mom got the help she needed, it was like night and day. So happy for you!

Angela posted: If you had posted this the day I had my consultation with you then I would swear it was about me. I am literally tearing up for this momma because I have been in her shoes and I know how lonely, difficult, and frustrating that place is. All I can say for anyone in that place is that IT DOES GET BETTER! I promise, it really does, even if it doesn’t feel like it will. My daughter is 3 months old now and every time we sit to breastfeed it feels like a huge victory for us because there was a day that I actually quit breastfeeding (for a whole 3 hours lol). I hope ‘Sally’ does join this group. I hope she realizes that she’s not alone in this journey. I hope she know we’re all routing for her and her little one. And I hope she knows she can reach out to anyone, including me, and we’re here to help her through this.

My husband is now asking me why I’m crying

Lori posted: Oy yoy yoy Angela – trying to make me cry too??? I certainly do not wish hard breastfeeding times on any mother. However, when you do go through a particular difficult time and you are literally on the verge of looking away and

never coming back… and then something shifts and you go one more day, and then one more day… and the days eventually start getting better and then one day you are like: It’s working! It’s working? So sweeeet when that happens. I remember it was like that for me, many years ago!

Kellyn posted – I am a mother of five, I have three aged 5,4, & 2 and have 2 1/2 month old twins. I have seen Lori for the past three newborn experiences and have had SO many breastfeeding trials. I was so young, inexperienced, and without support with my first daughter that I didn’t even know people like Lori existed. I had no idea what was wrong with me and my baby or why we couldn’t do this that I gave up, heartbroken. With my second, by the time I saw Lori and realized she had major lip and tongue tie it was too late. My supply was so little that she rejected me. My third was a perfect storm of issues; he had tongue and lip ties, torticollis, facial a-symmetry, and I had a post partum hemorrhage while severely anemic that made a full supply impossible. I was so devastated with my third. After two failures I so desperately wanted to experience a nursing relationship and was crushed when it didn’t work out. When I found out I was pregnant with twins I had very little hope that anything would be different. BUT it has been completely different! They are both excellent at nursing. My supply has struggled as I suffered a much worse hemorrhage but I’m working everyday to get it up and in the mean time nursing, using a SNS, and bottles when I need to. It has been so enjoyable to bond and be with my babies in this way. I’m thankful for the little victories and try to remind myself of them during the rough times. Keep working and as Lori always tell me, ultimately you have to do what is right for you and your family.

Lori posted – Thank you so much for posting here and for wearing your heart on you sleeve. I just know that Sally and other moms just like her, will really be helped by you speaking out. Your belief in breastfeeding and your tenacity and motivation was certainly tested with you breastfeeding experiences. What I love about you being so honest and sharing your story is that other moms can know and see what you have learned and what Heidi has said. Breastfeeding takes many forms. We can have our dreams, and while sometimes they don’t play out in real life as expected, try hard not to give up as you never know what is waiting for you right around the corner. You have a beautiful family Kellyn. I am very proud of all your hard work, you families support and all that you have accomplished.

Lori’s response to whole group:

Many thanks to all the moms who find something deep within them to make a conscious decision to work hard to make breastfeeding work for them. Whatever that might look like. Just like there are no two pregnancies or babies or families that are alike and we need to hold back judging what others do, the same is for each personal breastfeeding experience…. different for each mom and baby. Thanks Angela and Kristina and Kellyn and Heidi for posting. For all the Sally’s out there…. people care, other moms know what it is like and we all hope for the best for you.

Why did I want to create a podcast with a title of All About Breastfeeding, the place where the girls hang out? As a lactation consultant, I have long since recognized the lack of information mothers have about breastfeeding. Not only about early breastfeeding difficulties, but also how this impacts their pp lifestyle. I want a dollar for every mother who has said to me: I had no idea, this was going to be this hard! I knew I was going to be emotional, but I had no idea of the depths of my emotions. The learning curve is huge for many of us. Once they have their baby, many spend way too much time, isolated away from the rest of the world as they spend time recovering from a pregnancy and birth, getting their strength back and learning how to be comfortable with breastfeeding. The ONE most major, biggest, all time complaint that moms have is: They have few to no other mothers in their life who are sharing their real breastfeeding stories. Real Life stories, information, support and advocacy.. all breastfeeding related. My why? I want to build a community that mothers can learn from each other, gain strength from their stories, and spread goodwill about breastfeeding, wherever they go. I want to live in a world where noone is asking a mother: Are you still breastfeeding?

I want to live in a world where I never, ever, again see or hear a story that a mom was kicked out of anywhere for feeding her baby, where no mother is ever felt humiliated by how she was treated when breastfeeding. Without getting to political here, I look forward to the day where a mother breastfeeding her baby is the norm and where human milk is the norm that noone ever questions ever again. And why won’t they? Because the reach of this podcast will go so far that so many more people will truly understand why mothers breastfeed their babies. They understand how the breast makes milk and why mothers cannot wait until they get home to feed their baby, or just give them a bottle so others can feel comfortable. The general population needs to really understand the benefits that breastfeeding gives to mothers and babies and the environment. While the focus of this podcast is on breastfeeding and human milk, my additional why for doing this is so that no mother is every judged for how she feeds her baby or what she feeds her baby and to recognize that each one of us, is doing the best we can, with what we have.

Leaving you today with this quote: “Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours as noone needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. Author Unknown

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