Episode 73      Lori – Reflection and June Celebrations

It has been a particularly busy week, with family celebrations of my daughter’s birthday, my wedding anniversary, my son beginning his job.
Here is one of those interesting life moments that you say: You know your kids are really grown up when…..

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my family and trying to coordinate calendars and trying to figure out what days we could schedule to celebrate the separate occasions. her birthday and our anniversary. My daughter Alisha , who has a birthday 1 day before my wedding anniversary ….. She said to me: Mommy, I am okay to share my birthday dinner with your anniversary dinner. We could celebrate it on the same night. I looked at my daughter, who is
Usually all about having her own day, sometimes even a whole birthday weekend, where just all the attention on just her and said: Are you sure? And she said: of course! I was like: of course? When did my baby grow up? How did I miss this? I guess that is what happens when they grow up, graduate college get a real job, get married and have a life away from Mommy and Daddy. It goes fast people.. it truly does… so in the midst of your sleep deprivation and any parenting challenges.. try and remember, there will come a day when they are fully independent, they don’t need for you to wipe their tushies anymore, or make their meals for them or drive them places and give them money. All of a sudden you turn around and just don’t need you to care for them day to day. So, enjoy all the moments and special times with your precious babies.

In the past few days, I have often reflected on our early days of breastfeeding. Alisha just about did me in. How is that for reflection! I went from a world of working girl and just taking care of myself and my husband and I getting good night’s sleep and having regular meals and showers and a social life to…… all the stuff that new motherhood is made of. No sleep, forget a social life… and regular meals….. I was just trying to figure out the basics….. can I get in a shower today? Tomorrow? The next day? Will I ever eat breakfast before dinnertime? This is how I put the change from my life BA and AA… which means: Before Alisha and After Alisha: my life has been turned topsy- turvey……inside out and upside down.

Almost ZERO about my life was the same anymore. I had been transported to another galaxy…. One I had no clue how to function in.
My husband would say the same.. but I would tell him that I beg to differ.
Yes, he had a new baby in the house and yes he was now living with a woman that perhaps he didn’t recognize anymore.
BUT, he went to work every day… And he was like yeah…. And our point it?

And I would say: My point is:

You get to shower and dress and fix your hair and put on cologne like a normal person.
You have breakfast sitting down and when done you brush your teeth and go to the bathroom…. all by yourself…. not holding anything in your arms and then grab your keys and you leave.

And he is like: Yeah… and????

And I would say: Well, there are already about 10 things that you get to do that I can’t do… and it is only 7:00 in the morning for you.
And then I would say: Let me expand on that:

You then go the car, slide yourself into the seat, turn the car on and choose what music you get to listen to while you drive to work.
Of course Alan is like: okay?? And your point is?

And I would say: So, now there are like 20 things that you get to do the same every day, that I can’t do anymore.

And, Of course, I have an incredible need to expand on all this:

I go a few days without showering, rarely get to eat breakfast and if I do, I am certainly not sitting down, but rather doing the mommy/baby bouncing thing.
I never leave the house with just my keys. There is a whole half hour process and if she pees or poops somewhere along that half hour, things get pushed back At least another1 5 minutes. I have to check and recheck to be sure I packed all my stuff. There is never any sliding into the front seat of the car on and putting on my fave music.

I have to schlep all the bags, put them down first, put her in the car seat, do what I can to make her happy for the car ride, then put all the bags I am taking
In to the back seat. Do you know how many step that is? Do you know how long this takes?
So far, nothing about my day is anything like it was & everything about your day is just the same as BA.

So, everyone is now seeing this picture I am painting for you.
If I were to continue my little story, I would talk about how he gets to talk to adults much of his day.
How his brain does not feel like it is turning to mush like I feel mine is… talking to a baby all day in that high pitched voice we do.
Then, the ultimate happens: He gets to have lunch! Sitting down? A nice meal prepared by someone else! And have a conversation with some friends.

And me: nope, nope, nope and nope. No adult conversation, no sitting down for a nice meal and no leisurely conversation amongst friends.
Instead, my job is to figure out how to keep Alisha calm, well fed and try my best to get to sleep,, even just a 15 minute nap… at some point between
4 am and noon. Now if she did that, I would think I hit the jackpot.

You can see how the rest of the day goes and how I reflect on how different my days are after giving birth and how Alan’s pretty much stays the same for a good 12 hours or so.
Ohhhh, and did I mention that his sleep cycle is basically the same. He has to get up and go to work so I am not going to nudge him or bang around making noises or let Alisha wake him up.
Oh no.. I save that for the weekend!

And breastfeeding,, well that was a nightmare for me. It hurt, I suffered with cracks and bleeding. My poor nipples that I never gave more than 10 minutes thought my whole life leading up to this point… all of a sudden became the star of my show. I thought about them all day and all night. They hurt, they ached, they throbbed and I would be constantly distracted thinking about my nipples… how they felt… what they looked like… what I could do to get out of this pain I was in. Like I said… they were the star of my New Mommy show. When my beautiful baby showed signs of hunger, and it totally was not what they talked about in class. First she will begin to stir, then as she slowly wakes herself up, her eyes will open, you will make that eye contact with your baby, gently pick her up, change her to a fresh diaper and once she is all clean and wrapped up, you will bring her to the breast and sit and relax and have a good feeding.

Anyone listening have a zero to 10 baby? If you do, you know what I mean? There is no gently and gradually awakening.. this is not stirring lightly and beginning to give those feeding cues. Sometimes there was no sleeping in between feedings, so forget that. Other times, when she was asleep and woke for a feeding… it was like: Boing! Her eyes jumped open and she cried… loudly. Loudly like as if someone had stuck her with a pin or something. While I did get use to this, it certainly was not pleasant. And then to think about, putting her to the breast, and inflict dire pain on myself. Yes my lovely husband… my days are now just like they use to be BA. I think not!

Of course, there are parts of my day that I have missed sharing with you. Like looking at a baby girl, who just finally fell asleep. Looking at just how beautiful my creation is. Yes, I like to take full responsibility for all the good parts of her. The Isenstadt whine is from his side. The way she scrounges up her face.. that’s from his side too. But her smile and how it lights up her eyes… now that is all from my side of the family! Okay, I am just kidding… there is just as much good stuff that comes from his family gene pool as there is from mine.

And while I did not shower as often as I had before & I did not get out as often as I did before,

Like a lot of other things in life, this season of very early and first time newborn mothering did pass. It passed, it changed, it evolved. I did eventually get to take showers and go out and meet with some friends. I did find a rhythm to my new life.

I did eventually feel like I knew what I was doing. As each week past, I gained confidence in my role as a new mother. I stopped looking at everyone else… sometimes even the lawn guy… who I thought must be smarter than me and know all the answers to Life’s new puzzles…. Why doesn’t the diaper stay on? Should I dress her up in layers when I have the air conditioner on? Her belly button looks weird? Could it be getting infected? When do I stop staying up and staring at her to make sure she doesn’t roll on her stomach when she is sleeping? What does this cry mean? This facial expression mean? This weird sound she is making mean?

All of a sudden, probably about the 3 month mark, where I looked back and realized I felt more comfortable and confident in my role, I felt more grounded, had a better sense that I knew what I was doing and a general acceptance that it was okay to not know everything and that she would survive many of my mistakes. I also realized something really funny. and it took me by surprise. I now had a new normal. A rhythm to my every day. And I realized, that for me,, now.. just like I had before… I now had days that were similar to the ones before. There were certain things that I could count on being the same. We were finding our rhythm, and I was enjoying it. I was falling in love with my baby. part of me tried to remember what my old life was like and it became a distant memory. I also realized that now that I was a mother, of a beautiful baby girl, there was no way I would ever want to really go back to you and preserve it forever.

My message to you, my AAB listeners, if you are pregnant for the first time, have a baby or young children. Find other mothers to hang out with and share all the ups and downs, joys and struggles that parenting brings. It will go fast, you will forget and there will come a time when you pine away and are sentimental about the good ole early years with new babies and young children. You will forget what their tiny cries sounded like… what their little girl voices sounded like when they said: mommy and you will miss the little boy who smiled and jumped on your lap getting in that last snuggle of the night before you tucked him in. So cliche, but it does go fast. Enjoy the moments. And a Happy Birthday to my Alisha Heather. I love you.

Don’t forget to head on over to Facebook and search for these words: All About Breastfeeding Community and Join our group where you can meet and socialize with others who care about motherhood and breastfeeding.

As always, I thank you so much for spending part of your day here with me. I hope you are learning a bunch of breastfeeding information, enjoying my guests who are so giving of themselves and their heartfelt stories. I have provided a lot of educational shows too which I hope have been helpful for you in your breastfeeding life. My business mentors keep encouraging me to not be so shy about being a bit salesy… I am lovingly being encouraged to tell you, my listeners, that you will want to Subscribe to the show so you can listen to the episodes when they come out. And ohhh, I didn’t know this about podcasts either, but when you go to itunes and subscribe to the show, you can also look back at the whole catalog of shows I have already released and you can download as many shows as you like… and all for FREE. So, go ahead, make my day!

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